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Monday, June 1, 2015

Your Dying Spouse 12 - Go Easy

This one is for the Soon-To-Be-Dead-Dudes. So, Caregiver, try to find a way to share this.

Guys...and Gals...your caregiving spouse is human.

He or she will have off days, and days when things are said that you'll find distinctly unfair, and sometimes cruel.

Let it go. Just let it go.

You're in a fight for your life...I get that, I am, too...but we get to live with some fairly limited horizons. Our lives have narrowed to the struggle for survival, or juust having reasonable quality of life for the next hour.

But your husband or wife...that person has to take both the short view, for you, and the long view, for the rest of the family, for friends, and for him-or-herself.

It's like walking a tightrope with people throwing things at you, and there's no emotional safety net.

SO, yeah, sometimes things will be said that hurt. Your spouse will feel overwhelmed by the list of tasks that never seems to end, and will give voice to that resentment.

Let it go.

You're LOVED, and you're getting the best care that a flawed, sometimes weak, and often tired human being can give you.

And always, always say "Thank you."

You don't know how much that means...if someone has to get up to get you an ice pack because you can't walk...well, she's probably been up and down a LOT already, today.

She doesn't expect a thanks you, because it's part of her job.
But it doesn't mean that she doesn't want, or need one.

And touch...let your hand rest on theirs, for a lingering second or two.

Your love means something.

Your thanks are important.

And your patience is no less than what is deserved...and owed.


  1. Yes, yes, to a gentle grace even and especially during the soul's darkest nights ...

    Praying for you both. Right now.

    1. Thank you so much, Linda. The prayers are really appreciated. Hard days.

      That gentle grace can be hard, because...and I know this too well...with terminal illness comes something of a sense of entitlement. It's really "pride of life", and its manifestations can be pretty ugly.

      No wonder pride is the deadliest sin.

  2. Patience and a thank you go a long way...in any situation, most definitely where grace and mercy are needed continuously. Blessings and prayers to you, Andrew and family.

  3. God gives us vast opportunities to be tenderly vulnerable as death descends. I'm glad you see that and, it sounds like, are taking those opportunities, Andrew. BTW, think about putting a singular link to this series of posts in your sidebar, so that people can easily access them one by one. I know that if they continue to go back page after page on your blog, they will find them, but I'm sure that grouping them would improve accessibility. But I know that you've got more than enough on your plate, so if that's too difficult or time-consuming, just realize that I appreciate your content here. :)

    1. Thank you so much, Beth...and also for the suggestion. It's a good idea, and I will try to figure out how. The ISP connection has stabilized...I hope...at least the computer isn't shutting down...or freezing...every fifteen minutes!