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Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Your Dying Spouse 16 - Someday

Today we're linking with Tuesdays@Ten, hosted by Karen Beth. It's an invitation to write on a key word or phrase...and today's offering is...

Someday I will...

We're also linked with Messy Marriage's Wedded Wednesday.

You can run out of Somedays, far sooner than you ever thought you would.

When the cancer comes back, suddenly that trek in Nepal or rafting down the Colorado becomes something you might have done...someday.

But that's really small potatoes, compared to the joys of intimacies of daily life that suddenly come into the long shadow of death.

The things you'd planned with your spouse can so easily drift away into the mists of a future unrealized.

There are museums in Albuquerque that we'd planned to visit, and could have, until about eighteen months ago.

But now I can't ride any distance in a car without crippling pain. Getting there, yeah, I can do it, but I won't be any good except for going directly home.

But there are success stories. When we knew I was in trouble, and that things were not going to go well, Barbara suggested that we take the aerial tramway up to the Sandias, and walk around as I might be able. We'd been planning to go for a long time; but things kept getting in the way.

So one morning Barbara said, "We're going to do this, now!"

It was an odd feeling, knowing that this would be the first and the last time for this. But we went, and while it was tough going, it was worth it.

A good memory, and at the gift shop we spent more than we should have for a carved wooden mask. What it's supposed to represent, I don't know.

But for me, well, I call it The Someday That Came.

(As an audiovisual bonus, Mark McGrath and his band Sugar Ray covered this very well in their song and video Someday. Please give it a listen.)

12 comments:

  1. Your words speak to this nagging sense I have that despite the fact that my eyes are open and my ears clear there is really very little that I see or hear clearly in this life, let alone understand. The words of Jesus echo, Do you not see? Do you not hear? Do you not understand? I certainly cannot relate to your situation, but I can hear the message in these words for me - am I doing what I should be doing NOW ? I pray more meaningful "somedays that came" for you, Andrew.

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    1. June, thank you for your prayers...and you're exactly right. We have to be looking at the Somedays we spend, sometimes carelessly, in the context of the call of our faith and Saviour.

      Thanks for being here!

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  2. Thank you for this post, Andrew...we all look for our Somedays; and many times those Somedays are right in front of us; we just need to take advantage of them. My husband has come to the point that he just can't seem to figure out WHAT to do with himself; a lot of it is from his age, dementia, memory issues, and hearing. You have helped me to remember that I am the one who needs to help him to focus and find things that can be his "someday" to do now.

    Thank you so much, as always, for inspiring us so much. Prayers for you and Barbara...

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    1. Oh, Barbara...that is so hard. You're in my prayers. He's very blessed to have you with him.

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  3. I love your words and how you describe your day as the Someday That Came. We live with regret too often and you still strive to seize the day in all you do. Thank you for inspiring me with your words.

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    1. Mary, thank you. Sometimes we may not have the strength to seize the day, exactly...but we can gently tug at its sleeve, and bid it wait.

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  4. What a nice memory and I will pray for you and your family.

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    1. Thank you so much. The prayers are appreciated...the past two days have been more than a little challenging. But joy yet prevails.

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  5. This is a beautiful gift that I'm so glad your wife, Barbara, compelled you to open with her one last time. It's a memory that is sweet and that's the best stuff of life.

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    1. I'm glad, too. It was the most memorable day of our life in New Mexico. A blessing, and a gift, and maybe a small peek into Heaven.

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  6. Your experience provides a great reminder for us to live fully today. There is always a pressure to plan for tomorrow, next week, or next year and it is easy to overlook today. Thanks for the reminder to do things today and to enjoy today.

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    1. It is far too easy to overlook today, to let the moment slip past, and so often we do that not out of obligation...but out of the desire to impress others, or even worse, ennui.

      Thanks for being here. I appreciate your presence, and your comment.

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