Time for Five Minute Friday, hosted by Kate Motaung (wwwkatemotauntg.com).
The word for today is BLUE.
Trying to stay with the series on dealing with a terminally ill mate...so here goes.
You will have to cope with Blue Days. I'm not talking about your spouse's sadness...I mean, he or she is dying, for Pete's sake. Pain and discomfort and a degree of humiliation are part and parcel of that dread country.
No, I am talking about YOU, the caregiver. Because some days are going to, pardon the expression, kick your ass raw.
It may come out of nowhere, the feeling of impending loss, and gray sadness. It may come at the end of a good day, when the setting sun is more than symbolic...it's a curse, dropping down the sky on silent, fell wings.
And what do you do?
Just this...accept it. There's a song called 'Remember Me', by the oddly named Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, which has the very wise lyrics "don't try so hard to be happy".
So, don't.
Remember the shortest verse in the Bible...
"Jesus wept."
Why we're here...
Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.
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That short verse in the Bible says so much. Jesus was indeed human and had human emotions. It is ok for us to be sad especially when we are caring for someone who will soon leave this earth. Thank you for your continued transparency friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tara@
DeleteAndrew, what a beautiful post. Thank you for giving caregivers permission to feel the sorrow of the impending loss of one they love. No one should have to put on a happy act to make those outside the situation feel okay. Your reminder that the gray days WILL come is so good. Knowing Jesus wept is comforting. It really is okay.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I followed you on FMF this week.
I'm praying . . . both that blogger doesn't eat my comment this time (grinning) and for you, my friend.
Looks like Blogger missed a meal! Ha!
DeleteThanks so much, Jeanne. In letting ourselves be sad, we bind our hearts that much closer to Jesus.
Such an important post! Kick your ass raw. I am so appreciating that nugget!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Truth is truth, and sometimes there's only one way to say it.
DeleteThanks for being here!
SF, in whatever colour floats the boat.
ReplyDeleteSF, scarlet and gold
DeleteWhen I was caregiving for my husband, and he was circling the drain, I would have loved someone to give me 'permission' to feel blue and just bust out crying. I would have recovered a lot quicker, I think, if I had taken the time to be blue in the moment rather than stuffing my emotions.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that experience...it's so very true.
DeleteSometimes strength requires the lubrication of tears.
Circling the drain...love that!
Thanks, Marie. Hope you're feeling better!
ReplyDeleteYes, Andrew - Jesus wept! And so do we, as humans, in many different situations. As a caregiver, for sure, there are moments - MANY moments - when we (I) feel as if I'd like to burst out crying my eyes out...and as "blestbutstrest" says above, she wanted to be given the permission to feel blue and cry at times during her caregiving experience.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts - your heart! And, yes, for "allowing" us (or giving us permission) to be blue; to cry; to vent to do whatever it takes to continue on our journey of caregiving.
Andrew, we are on this journey with you; and I continue to lift up prayers for you and your wife as this journey continues - and send cyber-hugs to you both!
Thank you so much, Barbara. The cyber-hugs are really needed today; I went down hard this morning, and am struggling now.
DeleteIt does give an interesting perspective on petitionary prayer; one I hope to develop later. Basically, it's that "if this request is Your will" is not something of an escape clause in case prayer isn't answered. It's really an exercise of free will within a framework of the Almighty's overall plan.
Nothing humbles us liks being vulnerable, and I love the hard won humility that bleeds through your posts, Andrew. It's a painful virtue to learn--I've had a few lessons in it that I am forever grateful for but would not want to repeat. Allowing others to see your struggles and to come alongside you, whether you be ill or a caretaker, can be a difficult thing--the little deaths of our pride are never easy. Thank you so much for your exhortations to be humble. They mean all the more coming from someone who is walking the long hard road to learn them firsthand.
ReplyDeleteLaura, thank you so much for that. Your words will stay with me, and inspire me to keep doing my best, to witness this journey.
DeleteI sometimes asked, "why me?", but no longer. This is a job worthy of my best, and perhaps last efforts.
And another verse to remember is - there is "a time to mourn" as well. We must accept these painful parts of life on this fallen earth. I think you, more than the rest of us, Andrew are coming to understand and accept that. Prayers are lifted for you and your wife, my friend!
ReplyDeleteThat is a perfect tag for this, "a time to mourn". Indeed there is, and if life had all light and now shadow, we would miss the lovely chiaroscuro of God's creation.
DeleteAnd thank you for the prayers. Being back "up" to full-time blogging (literally, I spend about eight hours a day on this stuff!) is more tiring than it was a few months ago.
But I won't quit.