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Sunday, May 17, 2015

Ghosts

I hope to be back to my ongoing series on Wednesday, but today...I don't have the heart to write.

I went through a harrowing PTSD episode, a memory that surfaced...something so heartbreaking as to be beyond forgiveness, beyond faith, and beyond any rational way to cope.

I can't describe it in detail now, without coming apart. Perhaps another time; not in specifics but in effects.

But not today.


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10 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 18, 2015 at 1:13 AM

    Sorry to hear it. Good to see you 'taking care of you', as you've previously advised others, though. And don't let your blog readers be a pressure to you, either... we're with you but not demanding of you... and rooting for you in these challenging days.

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    1. AndrewMay 18, 2015 at 8:11 PM

      Thanks, Ruth. It was dreadful, something no one should have in that attic of locked memory-boxes.

      You guys keep me alive, some days. Yesterday I was just too wrecked to write.

      Delete
  2. UnknownMay 18, 2015 at 10:54 AM

    Take care of yourself, Andrew...share if and when you can! Praying with and for you, my friend!

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    1. AndrewMay 18, 2015 at 8:14 PM

      Thank you so much, Barbara. It's something that's very hard, emotionally, to describe in any detail, but there are aspects which can help with an understanding of combat trauma and its long term effects...and obliquely, with the current 'dying mate'series.

      And thank you for the prayers. I do feel them, as I go through my days.

      Delete
  3. julesMay 19, 2015 at 11:31 AM

    Andrew, are you seeing a counselor which brings up the episodes, or do they just surface on their own? Please take care of yourself. You are important, and loved.

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    Replies
    1. AndrewMay 19, 2015 at 8:39 PM

      Thank you so much...I did see a counselor for years, and still confer with her regularly. But these do surface on their own...sometimes very suddenly.

      Delete
  4. Jennifer MajorMay 19, 2015 at 2:25 PM

    SF.

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  5. MaryMay 20, 2015 at 3:15 AM

    So sorry as you face the past and deal with the future. Prayers are continuing!

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  6. BethMay 20, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    I hate that you are experiencing not only physical pain but emotional pain, Andrew. I pray that God softens the pain for you and that you feel His presence all around you in this time.

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