Your Dying Spouse 5 - Hearts (Wedded Wednesday)

"Hearts are not flint,
and flints are rent;
hearts are not steel,
and steel is bent."

Sir Walter Scott, "Rokeby"

It's a road that's going to break your heart, but that, as they say, is the price of love.

Hard comfort, that. Is there anything that can make the path less painful?

Well, yes and no. Watching the love of your life fade away is never going to have its good points, but there are some things you can do that will at least minimize the regrets that will inevitably accompany every look back.

First, and this is a recurring theme, take care of yourself. Keep things in your life that identify you as something other than a caregiver. This will give you the grounding and perspective that will be an armour against hopelessness and resentment.

Second, document the positive. There are two ways you can do this, and I'd recommend using both.

Journaling can help you work through your feelings, and when you write things down - positive things - you preserve them. There's the saying that if you didn't write it down, it never happened...so write down  your mate's good days, and the joy you still share together.

And make a visual record, with photos and video. It may be a long time until you have the heart to go back and look at them, but both the immediate action of preserving the moment, and the knowledge that the images will be waiting will be a balm to the heart.

When a house burns down, why do you think the first thing people try to save is a photo album?

Finally, share times with friends and family. Shared memories..."remember when he did THAT?"...can bring back the best parts of our memories.

With tears, yes.

But as Gandalf said at the end of "Lord Of The Rings"...

Not all tears are an evil.