We are also linking to "Wholehearted Home".
Today's word is welcome.
GO.
Welcome back. Welcome to peace.
Why aren't you smiling?
There are few things that can be as disappointing to a family as the homecoming of a combat veteran, especially after the first deployment.
Being on the killing ground changes people. The guy or gal whose departure you mourned can seem to have vanished, replaced by a quietly wary stranger whose eyes never seem to rest on you, with joy.
The ride home can be an ordeal of catching up (on your part) and single-syllable answers on theirs. or silence.
What is wrong?
What's wrong is that it takes a long time to come all the way back from the intensity of combat, and it's a wrench leaving behind the friendships forged in stress and danger.
Your veteran is homesick.
Homesick for the fight.
There's nothing in civilian life that can measure up to the purposefulness that comes with being on the sharp end. It engenders a sense of mission, and that is not matched by home repairs.
Combat demands that loyalty be given and accepted,and it's something your average couples' dinner can't touch.
It's a transcendent experience, even if you hate it.
So welcome your veteran quietly, with warmth and understanding, and few demands.
Give them a chance to enjoy, all over again, a life in which tomorrow is virtually guaranteed.
STOP
I have to admit that ran on a couple of minutes, but I do have an excuse; my left hand is a bit mangled, and I'm a bit short of usable fingers.
If you have the chance, please stop by my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace", at www.dailygracequote.wordpress.com.
The essay also links with The Weekend Brew; click to find some great posts.
The essay also links with The Weekend Brew; click to find some great posts.
Wow, that is such a different perspective. My husband did 2 tours overseas, but he never saw combat. Even then, after the first deployment, it took 10 months for us to get back to "normal," which left just enough time before the second one. Thank you for helping me to understand that time just a little bit better.
ReplyDeleteAnd welcome home. Thank you for your service.
Hugs,
Melinda (visiting from #FMF)
Melinda, thank you - and thanks to your husband. The deployment rotation can be so very rough. It's designed around the needs of the service, but can be antithetical to the needs of families.
DeleteThis is powerful good stuff, Andrew! Thank you for sharing with us. I'm going to share it with others because I think so many people don't understand this!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It is hard for many people to really understand; the Hollywood and print versions of what a veteran 'should' feel (from "The Best Years Of Our Lives" to "First Blood") simply don't capture the experience.
DeleteI think perhaps one has to start from the premise that combat is not 'experienced'; it is LIVED.
Thank you so much for this reflection. yiu have given me much to ponder
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying that, and thank you for being here today.
DeleteThis is something we need to understand. And live out. Thanks for taking us there, Andrew, and allowing us just a glimpse into a world that most of us will never understand.
ReplyDeleteYour words surely matter.
Weekend peace to you.
Thank you, Linda. It's been a very long road 'back'; but I'm not really back at all. A part of me, that part which really identifies who I am, will always be out there, eyes up and frosty.
DeleteGood stuff. These words really help me see what it is like or might be like for a combat veteran to return home. Thanks for sharing your heart here!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tara. It's my sincere hope that sharing this might make it just a little bit easier for a family to keep their equilibrium.
DeleteAndrew, as has been said, thanks so much for sharing this perspective. You read and hear about the big homecomings, and parties. What you don't hear about is the fact that there needs to be space for a veteran to adjust back to a new "normal" for him or her. This is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for all you've done.
Thank you, Jeanne. I would do it all again.
DeleteA new normal is exactly right, because the old normal can never return. The new one will include parts of the old, and can be even better in the long run, but it can never be the same.
You've widened my world today. I never thought about being homesick for fighting. I have thought about how quickly and deeply bonds are formed under dangerous circumstances, but never thought of the void left when you return to "normal" status (whatever that means). Thank you for making us all think!
ReplyDeleteThe 'homesickness' aspect is not new; you can find it in the Odyssey, and there's a trace at the end of Lord of the Rings.
DeleteWe tend to gloss over it because the starkness of feeling is threatening. Christopher Hitchens summed it up by calling war a drug, which misses the point entirely. It's not an alternate reality, or some kind of escape from the drudgery of day-to-day life.
It's the complete stripping away of everything we think makes us civilized, and the replacement of those things with a strong moral code which is the essence of civilization.
"We all go home together, or NO ONE does" is a common credo, almost a military cliche, and it's often lived. You simply don't find that in civilian life.
That's the void; in the hell of combat, one can see a small part of Heaven, and one longs for that view for the rest of one's life.
Once again, I have so much to learn from you. Thanks for another lesson today. Blessings to you, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Lisa. Your words mean a lot to me.
DeleteYeah. We had a friend come home from Afghanistan ... we spent time with his family of three around their table. He had changed. I felt it. He said he'd wake up each night with bombs going off ... and the "wake up" was hard to overcome after arriving home. I haven't spoken with them in a few years ... I need to touch base with them. I pray they are still together. And I think they are ... got a Christmas card. Sweet family. I pray the Lord has helped him adjust back home. I cannot even imagine.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep them in my prayers. It's such a hard transition!
DeleteAndrew - what words you share; eye-opening heart-wrenching words! I come from a military family; I am an Army Brat, if you will!! My father served MANY years in the U. S. Army. I don't think he served in combat, but was in Korea when I was a baby; and later, when I was in H.S. he went to Viet Nam-fortunately he was able to retire after that tour.
ReplyDeleteThen, my oldest brother (but younger than I) went into the Army. He met his wife in Japan where they married - and are still married! He served during the Gulf War...and retired. I don't think he saw any of the Afghanistan/Iraq tours.
My 1st husband was also Army - and he served in Korea several times; but not during war time. He was able to "get out of" Viet Nam (or someone helped him "get out of") because of being the only son?!
My 2nd husband served 4 years in Army and reserves; but no combat.
My son - born in Germany - served 3 or 4 tours in Afghanistan and/or Iraq...he is still in the Army Reserves in Louisiana.
All this to say - I know of the being away from family, and the returns to "normal" (or as normal as can get?!) But, I DO NOT know of this from the soldier's perspective as you so well put into words. I would LOVE to buy and read your book - and plan to do so as soon as our payday gets here!
We are currently seeing, first hand, the issues some soldiers experience after returning home. My youngest daughter's brother-in-law is dealing with PTSD as we "speak"; he has shut himself off from their mother, his twin sister, his brother - everyone! We pray for him everyday as we do others dealing with this.
And, you are included in my prayers, Andrew! Your words help others "see" what you and other of our military are dealing with. Thank you, Andrew, for your service, for your words, for your honesty and courage to share!
May God bless you and your family!
Sorry for such a LONG comment! I just felt led to share this with you!!
DeleteI also wanted to tell you about the orginization I support through fund-raising, etc. My friend is co-founder of Patriot Service Dogs - they raise and train puppies to be service dogs for Disabled Vets. Their website is: http://www.patriotservicedogs.org/ if you'd be interested in checking them out. We will start fund-raising in a couple of months for an event in May.
Thanks again for reading my LONG comment!
No need to apologize, Barbara...and thank you for the link to Patriot Service Dogs. I would be dead without my two, Sylvia (whose picture is on the blog, right-hand column) and Ladron.
DeleteShutting oneself off from social and family contacts is very common, and it comes from a perception that people just won't understand. One can get very tired of trying to explain. I know I do; and the worst of it is when folks think they get it, and don't.
Thank you for sharing the service history in your family; we're lucky to have you guys.
And tnank you for the prayers. I do needt them.
Tnank?
DeleteFingers fast, brain slow. Sorry.
Powerful words today! Learning how to welcome home a veteran or anyone else who has been absent for a long period of time does take warmth, understanding and few demands. I pray your words reach many in order to embrace an absent family member with grace. Blessed you joined The Weekend Brew.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteOne of the most deftly drawn cinematic "homecomings" is in "The Hurt Locker". It shows a decent and skilled bomb tech who simply can't square what he sees as his duty with the blissful ignorance of civilian life, close to the end of the film. (The EOD details are horribly wrong, but as long as you let that go, it's a pretty good package.)
Thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate your vulnerability and I think that your insight is extremely valuable.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Natalie, and please excuse my delayed reply - I've been unwell.
DeleteWow! Awesome post, Andrew!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing from your experience to help others.
Joe, thank you so much! (And please pardon my delay in replying.)
DeleteGreat post! Thanks for sharing at So Much At Home.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Chris
Thank you so much!
DeleteThank you so much for this honest and touching post. You've shared so much. I don't have a veteran in the family or anyone close to me so thanks for letting me get a glimpse of what it's like.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome...and when you do see a veteran who's come back from a combat deployment, simply say, "Welcome home".
ReplyDeleteIt will be appreciated more than you know.