But what about the marriage that just doesn't seem to work? Where you're always at odds, never really on the same wavelength. One - or both - of you are afraid to really say anything beyond mundane comments about the daily routine, because anything deeper invites argument.
And you can't remember when it was different.
What do you do? Do you stay, or do you call closing time, and move on with life?
There are good reasons to leave. You've got one life on Earth, and surely God doesn't want you to spend it shackled to an antagonistic stranger?
And the older you get, the harder it gets to find someone else, and commit.
If there are children, surely it';s better for them to have the chance to live in a happy home?
And so on.Lots of good reasons.
But there are some good reasons to stay,as well.
- You made a promise before one another, he community, and God. Nowhere in the wedding vows is there an escape clause that allows you to split because of "irreconcilable differences".
- You're probably as much of the problem as is your husband or wife, and if a new relationship begins it's likely that similar problems will develop, unless you're marrying the functional equivalent of a therapist.
- The world's a hard and lonely place, and kids need to see that couples can stay together, and that they don;t bug out when things get - and stay - uncomfortable.
- It can get worse, but it can get better, too. People need to be understood, and if, instead of bemoaning your difficult life you make an effort to to truly listen, and try to understand...you may uncover your spouse's problems. And you own.
- Someone always gets hurt; there is no pain-free divorce. Incomes (usually but not always womens') go down, and aside from rejection a wife may be looking at incipient poverty.
Even when the marriage is dull or "scratchy", there is a lot to be gained in staying with it.
What do you think?
And if you have a moment, please drop in at my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace".