Off the narcotic analgesic as of today.
Probably a bit quick, but as it wasn't working, and causing more pain, I wanted out.
And I was doing weird things. Like pouring the contents of a salt shaker into a dish at 0300, and trying to eat it.
I want out.
But the symptoms are excruciating. A crucifixion. Literally. Last night I was lying on the floor, exhausted, arms outstretched. Trying to find rest that wouldn't come, muscles twitching. So tired.
And relief is just a pill away.
It is the devil's bargain. It relieved the pancreatic pain - to a degree - for a long time, and helped me to live as normal a life as I could get.
But the sacrifice is high. It's a crutch you can't easily put aside/
And my leg's still broken, as it were. But I've got to run on it.
And the pill will remain untaken.
I want to be me again. Even with unrelieved pain - I want to be me.