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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Withdrawal - Continued

Off the narcotic analgesic as of today.

Probably a bit quick, but as it wasn't working, and causing more pain, I wanted out.

And I was doing weird things. Like pouring the contents of a salt shaker into a dish at 0300, and trying to eat it.

I want out.

But the symptoms are excruciating. A crucifixion. Literally. Last night I was lying on the floor, exhausted, arms outstretched. Trying to find rest that wouldn't come, muscles twitching. So tired.

And relief is just a pill away.

It is the devil's bargain. It relieved the pancreatic pain - to a degree - for a long time, and helped me to live as normal a life as I could get.

But the sacrifice is high. It's a crutch you can't easily put aside/

And my leg's still broken, as it were. But I've got to run on it.

And the pill will remain untaken.

I want to be me again. Even with unrelieved pain - I want to be me.

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