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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2015

LOVE-U - O for Observe

Last Wednesday we started a new series - LOVE-U For A Better Marriage.

L- Linger
O - Observe
V - Validate
E - Empathize
U- Unbend

Today we'll talk about the second letter - O for Observe.

When we're courting, watching our beloved is pretty much a favourite activity. We not the nuances of movement, of gesture, of expression...not only because we delight in them, but because they give us visual clues as to what makes this special person happy.

After marriage, things change (I can hear a huge OOOOOH yeah!). There's a joke going around Facebook about a man whose wife is missing, along with his truck. He can describe the truck to the last detail, but really has no idea what his wife even looks like.

And if you think this is limited to men - I have a friend who sported a large and dark moustache. His wife didn't much like it, so he shaved it off.

Two weeks later, she said, "Oh, you shaved off your moustache!"

We've got to do better. We chose to share a life with someone - why, after the contract's signed and the lives are meshed, do we tend to turn away?

The reasons are manifold...familiarity verging on boredom, an undercurrent of irritation, a feeling (especially among men) that "the chase is over", and the "caught" prize somehow loses appeal.

But the reasons don't matter. what matters is that we start observing again - not just looking, but looking with a purpose, looking with intention, and looking with memory.

We need to note the things that please our husbands and wives. We need to literally take notes, so that we can refer back...and do them.

Yes, take physical notes, as in...journaling.

And we need to ask. If you walk by your husband while he's doing the dishes, and run your hand across his shoulders...and he sighs, or relaxes, ask him "Did you like that?"

The go and write it down in your journal. Your journal's kind of like an accountability partner, here...you write it down, and you can't 'forget' to do it.

You wanted to learn your spouse so you could marry him or her

Who ever said there was a graduation, and you could stop going to class?

What do you do to make sure you remember what you see in your husband or wife?

Please visit me at my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace".

This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage. If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information. It's run by Beth Steffaniak, who has a heart for marriage and a soul for God!


  1. It's so true, Andrew. We stop noticing the good and instead tend to focus on the negative in our spouses. It's no wonder we struggle to stay "in love." But I like to remember that "love" is a verb, not just a noun. I think that's what we're called to do as mates and the rewards of that are the feelings of love. Thanks for this important reminder and sorry it took me so long to get by here. I've been working on technical issues that are plaguing my site. I'd appreciate any prayers you could offer for the resolution to be found soon.

    1. Perfect...love is a verb, and how often we forget that!

      Prayers are up for the technical problems, and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. My body's been giving beaucoup tech issues itself.