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Thursday, January 29, 2015

Don't Speak - Just Wait {Five Minute Friday / The Weekend Brew}

First...another update on Beau, the dog who the city of Dyersburg, TN, wants to kill because he allegedly killed a duck...which never existed.

It doesn't look good. These individuals and their lawyers are planning to save their pride, and kill Beau, on February 6. Please see Michele Kearn's website, and PLEASE spare a moment to voice your thoughts to the city official involved. This is not the America we want, where elected official can break state law to save face.

And now, here we are for Five-Minute Friday , hosted by Kate Motaung. The challenge is to write for five minutes on a given "theme word", posted by Kate on Thursday night...and then stop when the timer dings.

We're also linking to The Weekend Brew. Drop in for some great thoughts on life and faith!

Today's word is wait..

GO.

Marriage arguments can spiral out of control so quickly. A cross word is said, and it hurts.

When you're hurt, you hit back, right?

Immediately. Before another blow can be landed. Like in boxing, if you take too many ounches, you're going down, and will only dimly hear the ref counting you out of the match.

But marriage is not boxing. Marriage is not a fight, even when there are fights.

We need to know how to defuse the arguments before they go completely south, and the biggest part of that is waiting.

When you've been hurt, when your ego's been bruised...before you reply, wait.

Wait and think.

Will what you planned to say make things better, or worse. Will it give the thrill of revenge, or will it work toward a solution.

Will it hurt, or will it heal.

You'll find, very often, that the words you were about to send forth are for naught but the dark thrill of getting even.

And you'll feel the worse for saying them.

So wait.

Please.

STOP



If you have the chance, please stop by my other blog, "Starting The Day With Grace", at www.dailygracequote.wordpress.com.

26 comments:

  1. Such great advice here! Yes - choose your words carefully for in the tongue, we hold the power of life and death! Speak Life!

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    1. Speak Life...a perfect coda...thank you!

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  2. Really good word here! I often say stupid things to my husband in the heat of the moment, things I wish I could take back later. (We're both oldest children, so we're both always right). I definitely need to remember to stop and wait. Thanks for this!

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    1. Thanks for sharing this, Marie...and I never thought of it in terms of birth order. My wife's a firstborn, and I'm a youngest.

      One good thing that came from illness is that I have to speak more slowly these days, and I find that I say a LOT less when I'm irritated.

      Makes for a more peaceful household,.

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    2. Marie and Andrew, I never thought of it in birth order either...my husband and I are both oldest; but with the 12 year difference, he comes from a different "generation"!!

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  3. So important to remember this. Not just in marriage. In all relationships. Thanks for your post! {A FMF friend}

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    1. Very true....in all relationships.

      Thanks for stopping in!

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  4. Wait. Yes.

    Good wisdom. Let's catch our breaths, let God speak peace. Give each other a bit of space.

    Hope your weekend's a good one ...

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    1. I love that, Linda..."let God speak peace".

      Hope your weekend is good as well!

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  5. So, so true. As my pastor often says, "Anger is power, and power feels good." But it doesn't mean that we should respond in anger--in any relationship--when it will only fuel the fire.

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    1. I never heard that one, "Anger is power, and power feels good", but it's so true. Thank you for that contribution - it makes a difference.

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  6. Nice blog. Excellent wisdom. I've learned to bridle my tougue - most of the time. Hubby and I always go for the "heal" instead of the hurt. We've been married 20 some years now (closer to 30) and a few choice clever words isn't worth hurting each other. I agree this should apply to all relationships.

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    1. "A few choice clever words"...perfect. I remember congratulating myself on a clever comeback, not thinking about how it had hurt my wife.

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  7. WAIT - will it hurt or will it heal. We've been blessed in our marriage to each year grow closer and closer as we learn how to communicate and meet each others needs. Waiting is defiantly a big part of that! Visiting from FMF - glad I did - bless you!

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    1. I love hearing stories of blessings and successful relationships in these comments - growing closer.

      Thank you for sharing that!

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  8. Wise advice, Andrew. And honestly, I've been on both sides of that fence. When I wait for sanity to creep back in, the words that come from my mouth are more gracious. Sometimes my hubby and I will take some time apart before we try to resolve the issue that set us into a fight to begin with. Waiting, and praying, help work through the disagreements that we face.

    Thanks for the exhortation!

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    1. Taking some time apart is a great idea...it can eliminate the 'friction' that comes from being together and can call one to intemperate speech.

      And prayer, of course. Hard to be mean when one turns the reins over to God.

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  9. Excellent advice, Andrew. How are you holding up?

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    1. Thanks, Kristi...honestly, the past couple of weeks....uh, sucked. Big time.

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  10. Great advice, Andrew. I learn and relearn this lesson in my marriage. Just wait until you can think about what you want to accomplish. What it makes you feel better to say in the moment is likely not to be what takes you in the direction you want to go in the long haul.

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    1. Beautifully phrased, Colleen...thanks!

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  11. Excellent advice, Andrew! It's taken me a long time to learn the discipline of waiting. Now I fill my wait time with prayer.

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    1. And, perhaps, infuse prayer with the grace of waiting?

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  12. Thank you for these words, Andrew...I certainly need to WAIT before I speak...my husband is a "weird bird", one who has dementia, memory isues and a hearing problem; he also says very hurtful things to me,that he doesn't perceive as hurtful - or maybe he just doesn't care. This makes life so hard for me - and some days I just don't want to talk to him at all because of some of the things he says or the way he talks to me, like I am not supposed to talk at all during a "conversation". So, when I get to the point that I just don't want to continue to hear what he is saying, I lash out and we argue - or HE has HIS say and I listen until he has finished and then I just don't say anything at all. I really need to just STOP before I say anything to him, and make sure I am not speaking too loud or letting my frustration get the best of me...

    Sorry...this post hit home! Thanks for sharing, Andrew!

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    1. Oh, Barbara. I wish there were words that could make your road easier.

      The only way I've found to deal with the hostility that comes with some forms of dementia is to try to imagine the 'real person' trapped inside the shell that dementia's created, a shell that neither he nor I could break.

      My prayers are with you, Barbara.

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    2. I'm re-reading some posts that I had saved in my emails and realized I'd already read this and commented; and I appeciate YOUR comment back...Andrew, things seem to be running much smoother for a change! And, your prayers are sooooo much appreciated!

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