Your Dying Spouse 566 - A Sense Of Wonder {FMF}

Well, it's hard to imagine this getting worse, but now there are lesions and ulcerations in my throat - connected with lymphoma, I guess, which make swallowing really, really hard. Not to mention talking.

On the other hand, the only relief comes from gargling with cheap champagne. I feel like a rock star.

And there were two bad falls, from icy steps onto concrete. The second one did a lot of damage.

And this is only the beginning...but as life is taken, piece by bloody piece, I feel really good about life.

What were small delights, like some late Christmas lights shining across the far side of the snowy mesa, bring a kind of fierce, untrammeled joy.

I always wanted to use that word, untrammeled. It's kinda groovy, dig it?

And then there is Labby, an enormous black Lab (over 150 pounds!) who is just now learning to walk on a leash. I'm so very tired these days, but somehow never too tired to take Labby for a walk. (He has no sense of personal space, and when he wants to pop up and say 'Hi!', brace yourself.)

I don't and can't know God's plan, but what I see, in the face of death, is Joy.

Appropriate to the subject is John Denver's lovely, sweet song Marvelous Toy.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 565- Fallen Dreams

Some dreams aren't going to come true in this life, and yeah, it's disappointing.

Some battles, cancer wins.

But, if I may, here's a sonnet on the subject; I wrote it as a comment on Monday's (1/7/19) Books And Such Literary Management blog post, An Author's Strength Of Character.

I hope you like it.

The dreams that have passed

and have fallen away contained

a huge part of of what I amassed

and thought my character explained.

I crafted my goals and strivings so dear

so they were as clothes for my soul;

a rough prophet’s robe, or armour to fear

served to advance my heart to its goal

of a life integrated, achievement the man,

and the man in utter control.

But a future now withered was not in my plan.

And so, God’s tender design, now mine to see.

I am His in the storm; my dreams were not me.

Music from Heart, with These Dreams.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 564 - One Word For 2019

Well, God's given me my One Word for 2019.

A little while ago I slipped on an icy porch step, and landed heavily on the concrete slab. I was able to twist while airborne, so I didn't hit the (concrete) steps. That would have been kind of bad.

I think I did fracture my pelvis, though. Right leg thinks it's got a bad poker hand; it wants to fold.

So, the One Word?

BOOM!

And here's a video clip to go with it, from Avengers: Infinity War.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 563 - Night Thoughts

I'm never going to feel well again. The tumours in my pancreas and lungs and bones are not likely to go away.

That thought struck me last night, kind of like a falling tree.

It's not that I didn't know it already, both consciously and subconsciously, but it was the first time it had come to me in words.

My immediate reaction was...

Meh.

I mean, so what? For most of my life, I felt pretty good, aside from the aches and pains that came with a violently physical career.

And I didn't appreciate it. It was normal, and who pays attention to the normal?

Now it's different. Feeling good is no longer a happy accident of nature. It's the result of effort, the physical effort to accomplish something that needs to be done and feels like it's just too much, or the mental and spiritual mastery of hope above hopelessness, a battle that has to me fought ever hour of every day.

And it's not something I do alone.

It is well with my soul is not a passive acceptance.

It's God reaching down to me, and me reaching up to Him.

I may not be well, ever again, but I'm feelin/...

Aw, you know the rest, and here's the song...

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 562 - Loneliness

The river of Life is flowing past, and I'm on the bank, watching.

Lives go on; Barbra and my friends are moving forward, and I'm here, locked into a maze of pain and nausea.

Alone, but not lonely.

For one thing, I have the dogs. A lot of dogs. They get it; they now that if I'm not up to a romp-and-play session, it's the right thing for them to cuddle in my lap, and lean on my back.

And then there's God.

I don't now how to explain His presence; it's something felt, and not observed. His Presence doesn't come from reading Scripture.

Maybe it comes from His example.

I am on my own Via Dolorosa. When Jesus took that last long walk, a friend He had never seen before helped him.

Simon the Cyrene.

Jesus is my Simon.

I don't have to bear my Cross' weight by myself. He's helping shoulder the burden, so that I can make it through to the end.

We're almost there.

And there will be glory.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.