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Thursday, February 21, 2019

Your Dying Spouse 584 - Why I Am A Christian {FMF}

I wasn't always a Christian, and some people have asked how I came to the faith.

Pretty simple...by logic.

I realized early on that there was 'something' inside me that pushed me to choices I would not otherwise have made, choices that went against stuff like self-preservation.

It became kind of a vital question one day when I was on my knees next to a burning car, helping pull out the driver and waiting for the vehicle to blow up during the process. I didn't know the driver from Adam, and I just happened to be there at the time.

I sure didn't want to be there. But something inside said, "You gotta."

Much later, when I got sick with the thing that's killing me now, I went through the whole pain-and-despair thing, and again, there was this 'person', not me, but definitely Someone, saying "Hold on, and keep doing your best." Again, I sure didn't want to. I wanted to curl up in a foetal poition.

Sounded suspiciously like what I'd heard Christians talking about, so I looked it up.

There was a historical Jesus, verfied by contemporary non-Biblical sources.

He had followers who, after His 'death', caried his message when they knew it would kill them.

Anyone who'd do that was either nuts, or was following something true. There really wasn't a middle ground. And nothing in the New Testament remotely suggests that the Apostles were loony-tunes, out for a spiritual self-immolating ego trip.

The preponerance of evidence was convincing.

Christianity is logically true.

And I guess that begs the question of how I retain faith in the face of terminal cancer.

Again, pretty simple.

I don't have the courage to do this every day, much less the sheer mental and physical strength to cope with something far worse, physically an emotionally, than I have experienced, or imagined.

Breath comes around tumours like rocks, pain stabs lymph nodes in the chest, neck, and groin, and the slightest effort results in a cough that's deep, painful, and turns into dry heaves...and sometimes worse.

It's also exhausting. A minimal daily routine is all I can do, and the prospect of a visit to the lav can be daunting.

There's no meaningful pain relief, no medical care, no nothing. I've fallen through the cracks of the 'care system', but that's another story (and one I'm not interested in telling).

I do a lot to build morale and motivation, but the limits of moto stuff were reached and exceeed long ago.

The strength is given me.

I think St. Paul said somewhere that he could do nothing remotely cool on his own. I get that.

There's one Entity that can do all this, and He goes by the name of God.

I did not come to Christ's door
through a blazing epiphany.
No bright light knocked me to the floor,
nor visions did I see.
I simply came to feel and know
of something inside, not I,
that braced against the blow
when 'I the man' wanted just to die.
The hope that rose had human touch;
He'd walked this road to Calvary.
And He held me in value, such
that He'd bear the pain again, with me.
The road to come holds desperate harms,
but I'm safe-carried in His Mighty Arms.

Music from the U.S Army Field Band, with The Battle Hymn Of The Republic.


Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

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34 comments:

  1. Hey.
    There are no words ... but I'm reading your stuff, and thinking of you, brother.

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    1. Jennifer, thank you so much! Your being here means a lot.

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  2. Oh, I am so thankful that He drew you into His arms. You show HIS courage and love to all of us. Praying for you tonight! Love your poetry.

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    1. I'm glad too, Bettie. Don't now where I would be without Him.

      Thank you so much for your prayers, and I'm delighted that you like the poems!

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  3. NOTHING like that Presence... NOTHING.

    You are loved, Andrew.

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    1. Jane, you said it perfectly. Nothing like it.

      Love back, and we are praying for you.

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  4. You have quite a story, Andrew. I'm so glad you're a part of this community. Thank you so much for your inspiring words! Blessings and love to you and your dear wife, Barb!

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    1. Gayl, it's sure been quite a rie, and I'm completely satisfied with where I am. Cancer and all, for only through this have I truly learned to live, and love.

      Blessings and love back, from both of us.

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  5. (((Andrew)))

    Annie in Texas

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  6. The hope that rose had human touch;
    He'd walked this road to Calvary.
    And He held me in value, such
    that He'd bear the pain again, with me.
    The road to come holds desperate harms,
    but I'm safe-carried in His Mighty Arms.

    YES, LORD.
    xoxoxoxoxo

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    Replies
    1. XOXOXOXOXOXO right back at you, Susan.

      We love you so much.

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  7. Thank you for your testimony, Andrew, and for being you. Love to you and Barb. <3

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    1. Love back from both of us, Paula, and thank you so much for being here!

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  8. Wow! Thank you so much for sharing this inspiring story.

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    1. Thank you, Jan, for your friendship, and for being here.

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  9. I agree, inspiring. Though I have to say, the voice of God came to you as an epiphany though it may have been unrecognizable at first. My epiphany was His voice. Then He said, come find Me. It was a treasure hunt and I searched every church (I figured it was God, who else could it be?) and made the rounds. I had this joy unspeakable and I wanted to know Him. But I was still trying to figure out where He was. I ended back at my church I grew up in, and went to this Bible study. THAT day the man that taught, gave the steps Billy Graham did. I said, THAT'S truth. And that was 1977.

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    1. Claire, that's a good point; epiphany can take many forms, and it's rather unfair to limit God to the 'standard'!

      And thank you so much for sharing your story!

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  10. Andrew, your words of hope, even as you suffer, give me hope as well. Though I would never compare my own struggles with yours, the sharing of your journey helps me to be brave.

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    1. Bethany, thank you for this; you do me very great honour with your words.

      You are in our daily prayers.

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  11. through the head we see truth spoken, through the heart we know it to be true. :) good good

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  12. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not yet seen." This Bible verse came to mind when reading your post. Continually praying!

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    1. Tara, that is perfect SScripture! Thank you!

      And thank you so very much for your frienship,and your prayers.

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  13. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I know many read your blog and your shared words. Praying your testiony, today, will point others to Christ as well.

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    1. Jennifer, thank you...the most important thing I, or anyone, can do is to open a heart to Christ.

      One heart, and my life will have been a total success.

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  14. Honest, raw testimony. I love it! God bless you and all Christ does for you and in you! Christianity is logical. Yeah, He is the one that made logic in the first place! Love and prayers for you and Barb! And those dogs too!

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    1. Mary, I love this, that He made logic in the first place!

      We all thank you so much for the prayers. Love back from everyone here.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your testimony. Your voice is so important. You keep giving even as you go through the unimaginable.

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    1. Lisa, thank you so much for this affirmation, and this encouragement. I am so grateful that you are here.

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  16. Although raised in a Christian family, I had a long phase of doubt in college, and for me, logic was also a big part of my embracing God in my life. I needed faith to make a difference in my life, but I also needed it to make sense. And it does! While I can't prove God's existence, believing in Him explains so much more than not believing in Him. And now, many years later, I've experienced His real-ness more times in my life than I can count. Lovely post, Andrew! And I enjoy the poetry.

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    1. J, you expressed this just perfectly, that belief explains so much more than unbelief ever can. Thank you for this!

      And I am so glad you enjoy the poetry!

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  17. There's a mystery to all of this. Andrew, I have wondered your story to the faith. Thank you for telling it here. I think it a fascinating thing, how God calls, we listen, some follow. Logic, wonderful. And yes, His strength is made perfect in weakness. Appreciate this, and you. Still praying.

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    1. My dear Norma, it is indeed quite the mystery how God nows how we are best reached, hoe He can bid us welcome.

      Or maybe not so mysterious...after all, He formed each one of us, with care and love.

      Thank you so much for your prayers!

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