The pain in my abdomen and chest and leg were so bad that I had to put a towel in my mouth to keep from crying out (Barb needs her sleep for her challenging job), and still I was thrashing so bad the dogs were quite concerned.
And then there was this morning, when I didn't make it to the dunny, and the dogs fled to the four winds. I know you didn't need to read that, and I didn't need to live it, but that is My Cancer Life.
So the question, unbidden - Why me?
But it's the wrong question; whether it's random causality introduced by the fall of man, or a generational curse, or something horrible I did clawing out a karmic vengeance...it doesn't matter.
Why is the wrong question.
How? is the right one.
How do I continue to function like a gentleman, with honour and courtesy, when pain and humiliation and loss of future are tearing down the very walls of character?
It starts with expression.
Smile, even though it hurts.
Stand up straight, even though it REALLY hurts.
And finally, tone of voice.
Think before speaking, and never let an unkind word, nor an ill-modulated tone, pass your lips, for the lips are the guardians of your reputation.
Master those three and the real enemy in cancer is beaten, for you will arrive at the Pearly Gates a gentleman.
And yes, I realize that aspiring to be a gentleman makes me a dinosaur in this age of gender-blending and identity politics. I wear that label with no little pride, so over to John Williams, and the main title from Jurassic Park. So there!
But first, a riddle...what do you call a T. Rex with a great singing voice?
Dinah Shore. Geddit?
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.