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Thursday, August 16, 2018

Your Dying Spouse 506 - Play The Man {FMF}

"Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out."

Hugh Latimer (c. 1470 – 16 October 1555 )

Hugh Latimer was the Bishop of Worcester and Church of England chaplain to King Edward VI. He was burned to death with his friend Nicholas Ridley, by order of Queen Mary, on October 15, 1555.

Play the man.

Unbelievably, the pain gets worse...pancreas and lungs and lymph nodes, and oh, my right femur (with the metastasis) now has a break in it, so I have to use a staff to walk...and it attacks in different ways, so there's no getting used to it, no anticipating an enemy who is both resourceful and relentless.

I'm way past chest-thumping "I will prevail!" boastfulness, past the motivational slogans, past the inspiring books and films that gave me path and paradigm.

And even Scripture is fading..."My God, why hast thou forsaken Me?"

Lost and alone on this burning desert of loneliness, feeling sometimes bereft of hope...

I pretend.

I pretend that I'm happy, that there are no tears of anger and fear, that I don't resent what's happening, that it is bearable and that I find purpose in this dark passage.

I pretend that I'm strong.

And a funny thing happens.

Make-believe becomes real.

I'm happy, and I'm neither angry nor resentful nor afraid.

It's bearable, and I do find the fulfillment of my life, my true purpose, here.

And I'm strong.

A child's game, and it's saving my sanity and my soul. It takes a child to be a man.

But then, didn't Jesus say that we could only enter heaven as little children?

Here's a blast from the past, Blues Image with Ride Captain Ride. Enjoy!


Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.

I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.




If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.









37 comments:

  1. (((Andrew)))
    (((Barbara)))
    Thank you.

    Annie

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  2. There is something about the premise of "fake it till you make it." Not that we are trying to be false, but that even the process of focusing on the positive can in fact, make us more positive.
    I admire your honesty and strength, even if you have to pretend sometimes. We all do. You are still one of the bravest people I've known. Blessing and peace to you.

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    1. Bethany, that's great! I've never heard the expression 'fake it till you make it', but it's perfect.

      I learned a lot of math at one time, and in a terrible pun figure 'positive is additive'; it increases itself.

      We're praying for you.

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    2. This expression came to mind also as I was reading your post. I am praying for you and Barb -Jolene

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  3. Praying that you feel loved--always and forevermore.

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    1. I do feel loved...somehow as things get harder, by spirit's borne higher, and only love can do that, yeah?

      Thanks so much for being here.

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  4. it's funny how that happens eh? Attitude affects so much, if you pretend to be happy, before long...you are. If you want to LOVE someone, start acting like it and before you know it, you will be. Good post, keep acting it out... you never know the outcome.

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    1. Annette, that's so true! In some situations, if you act brave the people around you are going to think you ARE brave (when you're really terrified) and their confidence lifts yours.

      Thanks so much for the encouragement...and yeah, the outcome is still unknown!

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  5. It's amazing how by choosing a certain mindset we can eventually come to feel it. Your post reminds me of part of a song from The King and I if you don't mind me quoting an old musical! :)
    "Make believe you're brave and the trick will take you far. You might be as brave as you make believe you are."
    You certainly are brave! Continuing to pray for you and Barbara!

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    1. Lesley, thank you for this (and please excuse the late reply). We love The King And I, and the lyrics are perfect.

      Thank you so much for your prayers.

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  6. Andrew, You are walking through a dark valley - still, you keep walking. Praying for comforting love. I so admire your courage to share the reality of the hard road you're on. Praying for you.

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    1. Karen, thank you so much for your kind words, and your prayers...and please pardon my tardy response.

      It's hard to keep walking sometimes, so I have that song from 'Finding Nemo' in my head, 'Keep On Swimming'!

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  7. Andrew and Barb -
    I cannot imagine how dark and difficult these days are becoming. My prayer for you both this morning is that you would know you are loved. May we be as little children for this is what He calls us to, and come to our Abba Father continually. {Hugs}

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    1. Joanne, yes, the days are darkly threatening, but that darkness is overcome by love...from God, channeled through friends like you.

      We thank you so much for your prayers, and ask your pardon for the lateness of this reply.

      Hugs back!

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  8. It's ok to be real, friend. Those who love you best will not forsake you or cast you aside ...

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    1. Linda, that reassurance means so much! Thank you...and please pardon my tardy reply.

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    1. He sure did, Susan! XO back, and please excuse the delay in the response.

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  10. and after you have done everything, ... stand. Standing with you, sir.

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    1. Jane I sure appreciate it! (And please pardon my tardy reply.)

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  11. "And a little child shall lead them.." Continuing to send love, hugs and prayers your way friend. You are strong indeed. I'm in the 33 spot this week.

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    1. Tara, thank you so much (and I loved your post!).

      Please excuse the delay in this reply. Hard week.

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  12. Prayers and love - it's all I can think to give but I suppose that's all any of us have.

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    1. Paula, prayers and love are by far the most important gifts. Thank you so much!

      And please pardon the tardy reply.

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  13. Wishing you the best, Andrew. So sorry it's become so difficult.

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    1. My dear Norma, thank you so much...and know you are in our prayers.

      Please forgive the delay in replying!

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  14. You are loved! An inspiration to all of us, teaching that even in the valley, there is hope and purpose and life.
    Praying for peace and strength for you and Barb.
    In Jesus’ name.

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    1. Nannette, thank you so much for these words of affirmation and encouragement...more important than I can say, right now.

      We truly appreciate your prayers, and ask your pardon for this late reply.

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  15. You're amazing, and I won't stop praying forth of you.

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    1. Jan, we so appreciate this, and most especially your prayers. (And please excuse the late reply.)

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  16. Your tenacious spirit and constant fight against death always inspires us, Andrew! I'm not glad to hear how you suffer, but I am so glad that you are pushing through it to some ethereal place of peace and confidence that only a "child" could really find. Prayers being lifted every day for you and Barbara, my friend!

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    1. Beth, it's been quite a ride, and to be honest, I never thought I'd be 'reduced' to a childlike heart.

      But of course I was so wrong, for it's no reduction - it's the top of a mountain.

      We so thank you for your prayers, and ask forgiveness for the slow response.

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  17. Andrew, your post reminds me of C.S. Lewis's writing about pretending. "Very often the only way to get a quality in reality is to start behaving as if you had it already." Praying for you as you continue.

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    1. Stephanie, thank you so much for the C.S. Lewis tag...he's my favourite!

      Thank you so much for being here, and for your prayers.

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  18. Hugs, prayers and love to you, Andrew and Barb!

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