Your Dying Spouse 257 - The Overwhelmed Caregiver

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Being a caregiver can eat you up, and that's no joke. Being overwhelmed is an occupational hazard.

There are just so many things you have to balance, in action and planning...and you may have to be the Chief Morale Officer as well, when your husband or wife is going through a bad patch.

And you've got to do it all well, because another person is completely dependent upon you.

It's not surprising that many caregivers 'break down', and become either emotionally shattered or numb. You can only go so far, so fast, for so long.

And there is always the knowledge that you have to do it again tomorrow, and the day after that.

An endless succession of obligation leading to an ending that you know is going to be hard.

How to cope? Is there a way to cope?

Well, yes, at least to a degree.

• First and foremost, understand that being overwhelmed is normal, and don't beat yourself up for it. Even Jesus was overwhelmed by crowds, and crossed the Sea of Galilee to get away from them.
• Maintain friendships, if possible, with people in whom you can confide when the going gets frustrating. This may seem hard, with the demands on your time, but you will - I hope - find that the friends you have will be more than understanding and will meet you more than halfway.
• Join a caregiver support group at your church, if such exists. It's good to know you're not alone.
• Try to arrange for reliable respite care, to give you an occasional day off. Your spouse may raise a fuss ("Hey, I'm going to be dead in a few months and you're going bowling?") but stand firm. You have to take care of yourself, and hat means occasionally getting out of the caregiving environment for something other than work, church, and shopping.
• Keep a journal for your eyes only. Perhaps better, keep a prayer journal, in which you can pour out your heart to the Almighty on how hard and unfair all of this is...because it is both hard and unfair.
• Carve out a physical niche for yourself to which you can retreat for a few minutes...kind of like a kid's fort made of blankets and cushions. Use it to journal, read, or just have a cup of coffee. Or a beer. If you have an overstocked garage or 'box room', consider rearranging some of the boxes to give yourself a seat...and a kind of privacy wall.
• If you have a meltdown in front of the patient...and at some point you will...don't try to deny it or cover it up. Apologise and move on. (But don't use it as a kind of justification for "See, I really need to get some time away!" That can come across as opportunism, or a setup...even though it's quite true.)

What would you add? How would you suggest a caregiver cope with the feeling of being overwhelmed?

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

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