Or is it?
The Tenth Commandment says that we're not supposed to covet, which is wanting what our neighbour has, and actively scheming to get it.
But what about just wanting what our neighbour has, without plans or ulterior motives?
That's the position in which a lot of caregivers find themselves.
Dealing with adult diapers and memory loss and a sprung back from helping your spouse into the shower, you see your neighbour heading off for a week in Cozumel...and you think, why them and not me?
Caregiving can feel really unfair.
The pat answer is, of course, that you don't know the trails of others, that everything is somehow cosmically equivalent. You're a caregiver, and the couple you envy is dealing with a disintergrating marriage, or kids that are lurching out of control.
You can see that these folks are doing pretty well. And you're not.
And your envy is OK.
You see, what you're doing is not wishing your misfortune upon someone else, in a bizarre kind of 'trade'. You're wishing that the life you envisaged all those years ago, when you took the vows, was still intact.
You are wishing that the potential for shared adventure and joy was still there.
You're yearning for all that's been lost.
Caregiver Envy is a grieving process.
And it's right and proper to grieve.
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.