If you're caregiving for your spouse, you may be stunned to hear this question - "Was my life worthwhile?"
Indeed, it may hurt; in the face of a shared life, shared joys and sorrows, it may well feel like a slap in the face.
"Does he regret our life together?"
The short answer is no. It's not about you, and not about the life you shared. It's fundamentally about a lie. Two lies, actually.
The first is the Lie Of Hindsight, in which the dreams one cherished were possible, looking back, with an assumption of time and resources and position and abilities one simply didn't have. The last part of that equation gets lost, and the resources are assumed to have existed if one only had the gumption and faith.
So very untrue. Life happens in between our hearts' desires, and it spreads to fill our days with the mundane...and the necessary.
The honour of sitting up nights with an ailing parent are overlooked; the only thing that counts are the dreams, unrealized, of hiking the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim.
The second lie is the Lie Of Relative Value, in which the very dreams themselves are questioned. What worth, in hiking the grand Canyon while millions are starving in the Sudan?
The answer, of course, is that life is about choices. The life that your mate lived was an integral part in the functioning of society...a small part, perhaps, but someone had to be there; someone had to show up at that job.
But it's hard to see, when even the Christian media trumpets the heroes of compassion...the rest of us are kind of left out. But those heroes need an infrastructure; we also serve who stand and wait.
Of course, pointing these out as lies isn't too effective. Your husband or wife has blinders on; in a real sense he or she wants to measure up as a failure, because at least the initial ideals were high!
So, what to do?
The best thing you can do is to accentuate the present positive. Be thankful - verbally - for the things your mate can still do for you. Be thankful for kind words and support, and for the prayers your spouse may offer in your behalf.
Say, "I'm glad I married you." You don't know how important that is to hear, when everything elses is slipping away.
And give your husband or wife a hug and kiss, whenever you can. That, YOU will never regret.
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update...he's probably going to be moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!
He's up over 200,000 signatures, but PLEASE keep the pressure on. If you haven't signed, please do! Please click o his name in the paragraph below.
If you have a moment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.