As a caregiver, there will be a point where you despair. For your spouse, and for yourself.
Despair looks forward in fear.
You'll wonder, caught in the gyre of a downward spiral, where it's all going to end...but at the same time you know where it will end, and that's frightening.
Even if you've seen death before, you'll wonder...how will it change the features of this person, my best friend?
What will the process do...the movies make it peaceful, intuition says it might be less so...
Will there be agony?
How will I cope with that voice being stilled forever?
How will I come back to a home that's suddenly so empty?
I won't say, Look forward in faith, and take God's hand.
Those are empty words when God feels far away.
But I think, if you know that you will cry, and you will hurt, and that you will come to the end of your tears into a terrible stillness in which it seems that nothing can move again...
...and then, perhaps, the darkness will lift, just a little, as God takes your hand.
I hope so.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them
Hugs. Big heart felt hugs. I can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteI'll be moving soon to spend time with my dad who's 90 and dealing with cancer. I want time sitting at my fathers feet
Susan, your father is a very, very lucky man.
DeleteThank you so much for the hugs, and for being here!
I wrongly assumed this post was going to be about you and your feelings of despair, Andrew. How sweet of you that even in your great pain and own despair of death continue to focus on how Barbara might feel when you're gone. I do hope she knows how very much you love her, if not now, then. Thank you for always pulling back the curtain on what it is like to walk in the dying's as well as caretaker's shoes.
ReplyDeleteI hope so too, Beth.
DeleteThanks so much for being here...and please pardon the short reply. Tough morning.
Thank you for this Andrew. Thank you for hope. I pray for you and Barbara.
ReplyDeleteJules, thank you so much for the prayers, and please forgive my delay in responding. Tough days.
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