- Lara Hosselton
Faith, while facing terminal illness, is something that fluctuates.
I'm writing this post in bits and pieces, because pain has become a simple beasting. It's not controlled, and it certainly doesn't seem to have any meaning.
And it can't be endured. It's way past that. There are those who would say that you have to push on through obstacles. But there are some obstacles that break you.
And so...what?
Seeds, that's what.
If someone walked up to me with a full-on evangelistic message right now...that God loves me and that this is happening for a reason, to bring me 'closer' to Him, I'd request that they take their advice and treat it...well, unconventionally.
But that is in the moment, and the moment, right now, is hideous. Trying to describe it further would require scatalogical language, to which I'm not averse...but not, generally, acceptable for blogging.
The seeds, though, do mature.
Planting the seeds, even when repaid with cynicism, is not a pointless exercise, no more than was Christ's Passion.
There is loneliness here, a terrible gut-shot loneliness.
There is fear. How much worse will it hurt tomorrow?
And there are also seeds growing.
Foremost is the seed that says, "Tell the world about this...that life is still worth living...and that God did not bring the pain, but He'll help you through it, if you let him."
And here...the seed that says, "Life goes on for everyone else...and you can still contribute, if you're willing. You can still encourage, and extend a friendly hand."
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them
May your writing and the community that loves you encourage you that you're not alone ... and that what you share are seeds of great value that will produce rich fruit.
ReplyDeleteYou may not be around to see that fruit in bloom ... but maybe you will, friend. Maybe you will.
Linda, thank you, and please pardon my delayed response. I do know that I'm not alone, and that is what makes it possible to keep writing...it's the only thing, now, that does.
DeleteForemost is the seed that says, "Tell the world about this...that life is still worth living...and that God did not bring the pain, but He'll help you through it, if you let him." And here...the seed that says, "Life goes on for everyone else...and you can still contribute, if you're willing. You can still encourage, and extend a friendly hand."
ReplyDeleteYes dear Andrew...you can and you are. Thank you for pushing through the pain and being here.
Christy, thank you so much. I'm sorry for my tardy reply...it's been a bad week in many ways.
DeleteThe love of this community is what makes it possible to keep on going. There is no strength left in me; I am carried.
There is a mystery in this, something we cannot comprehend. The seeds do give birth to life. In the doing of it, going through it...as you grow through it, has an immeasurable component with value attached for those who are learning from it, even if on the sidelines (like me). In this, nothing is wasted.
ReplyDeleteNorma, you said this so well...and I thank you, in humility.
DeleteAnd no, nothing is wasted.
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you're encouraging the seeds, even in light of the cynicism. There is a right way and a wrong way to sow seeds, though. ;) To encourage people that God didn't cause this but He will help you through it. That's a well-planted seed.
Those who don't know, who don't understand, their words are often well-intended but wound rather than warm hearts.
Thank you for hanging on and hanging in there and still speaking life. Praying daily for strength and clarity, and relief.
~Tammy
Tammy, thank you so much for the prayers, first off...not doing well (hence the late reply).
DeleteYou're right that good intentions can sometimes lead to disaster. It requires a lot of discernment...and sometimes the discernment to stay quiet. That, I am learning for myself.
So glad you are here!
I find it interesting that some scatalogical language, otherwise known as "bad words"have synonyms that are perfectly acceptable. I once cracked up laughing when I heard a man yell at another words that literally meant, "You're a donkey, your mother is a female dog, and I want to mate with you."
ReplyDeleteOh, Jan, you gave me a laugh! Thank you!
DeleteAndrew, I've never been fond of the comment, "everything happens for a reason" because that reason might in fact be our own fault. I prefer, God's timing is perfect, because ultimately God will decide when your earthly contributions are no longer as important as the contributions you'll make in heaven. It is then His reason for everything will be made known.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the 'everything happens for a reason' thing, Lara. And I am beginning to realize that some of the reasons may be for the service of others, and not for our own interests.
DeleteThat can be hard to accept at first, but it does make sense, given the context of the Incarnation, and the need for us to emulate Christ.
Thank you so much for being here!
I am so very sorry, Andrew. I'm thinking about you and praying for you both.
ReplyDeleteLynette
Lynette, thank you...we truly appreciate the prayers. And need them, badly.
DeleteThose seeds - oh you nailed it. My job as a teacher is about seeds; the harvest is up to God!
ReplyDeleteCarol, I taught for awhile...and isn't that job of planting wonderful?
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
So much THIS: "Foremost is the seed that says, "Tell the world about this...that life is still worth living...and that God did not bring the pain, but He'll help you through it, if you let him. And here...the seed that says, "Life goes on for everyone else...and you can still contribute, if you're willing. You can still encourage, and extend a friendly hand." Reminds me of the Parable of the Mustard Seed. The seed was the littlest of seeds but it still produces one of the most beautiful and biggest plants. Still thinking of you and praying for you, brother. It seems to me that during this season of Lent, you can understand what it must have felt like for Jesus to endure the pain he did. You are not Jesus, but you can relate to his experience. He is indeed standing with us all. I think of my fave Psalm yet again "Weeping may come for the night, but joy comes in the morning."
ReplyDeleteTara, thank you for this lovely comment, and for the reminder of the Mustard Seed.
DeleteI often think of the scene in Mel Gibson's "Passion", in which Simon the Cyrene tells Jesus, "Only a little further...almost there."
Some days are like that. This whole WEEK has been like that.
Thank you so much for the prayers, dear Tara.
Beautiful realization, Andrew. And now I'd like to share a video with you that has been a comfort to me, but seems especially relevant to where you live and walk each day. Please don't consider it "evangelizing." It is simply my feeble attempt to bring a bit of comfort to you, who seems to appreciate good music. The song is performed by one of my favorite artists, Jon Foreman. I do hope it blesses you even as I pray for your strength and survival. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtDXHgTi-5s
ReplyDeleteBeth, thank you for this! I love Jon's music, and his outlook. I hadn't heard this song, but it's sure going on my playlist.
DeleteIt does bring comfort, and I feel blessed...by the song, and by you, my friend.