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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 136 - Saying Goodbye.

We're linked to Messy Marriage's Wedded Wednesday - please visit Beth for some great marriage resources!

The question becomes clearer...how does one say goodbye, when the process of leaving has been so long?

It's not easy, by any means. The months, and now years have taken a toll, and most of the grief - on both sides - has been exhausted.

Or so we think.

The truth is that the anticipation of separation only feels like the separation has taken place. yet all the pieces are still on the board, moving slowly from square to square, it's true...but still moving.

One day, they won't be. One day the game will really be going on short one chessman, and only then will the loss become apparent in its full flavour.

But still...one wants to just get it over with.

Give me the grief now, so I can deal with it, and move on.

But it doesn't work that way. Time does heal wounds, or at least it attenuates the pain, but it can't be paid in advance.

So how does one say goodbye before the fact?

By embracing the presence that's still here, that's how. By living each moment as well as it can be lived, not thinking of the loss, but because each moment is worth it in its own right.

The only real way to say goodbye is to say hello, while you still can.

It works for the caregiver, and for the dying. I am trying to appreciate and fully understand the life I still have, and to keep before myself the truth that it's not about what I achieve or accomplish, but about how fully present I can still be.

Please pardon the brevity of this post. On top of everything else, I've had a relapse of this particularly nasty flu. I mean, you'd think that I'd be immune, everything else considered...

But noooo.....

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them


  1. I'm so sorry to hear that you are back at square one of that nasty flu, Andrew. I'll pray for you in that as well as you ongoing battle for life. I love your line, "The only real way to say goodbye is to say hello, while you still can." That's so true in every aspect of life. We need to be fully present because none of us knows how many days we have. So I will endeavor to say "hello"--to be fully present and caring for those in my life today. Thanks always for being so wise and vulnerable, my friend!

  2. May the flu be gone before you know it, Andrew. Rest, rest. We'll all be hanging around when you get back ...

  3. Present is a dying skill...pun intended. People who are frequently not present are unappreciative of the moment at hand.
    You are intentional with your own time as it has a limit in sight.
    People don't know how to wait without distraction now.
    This post is a gift and a somber reminder about priorities. No mistake that being present is spelled like the gift.
    Prayers for the flu to flee!!
    And now, cue Kelly Clarkson... (Satire)