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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Quality Time In Marriage

(First, a quick note...I'm going to be participating in "31 Quotes of Grace" during October, offering quotes on marriage.  I've set up a separate blog for this, and you can find me at www.dailygracequote.wordpress.com. The site's already live. It's a cool idea, and I intend to continue it on a daily basis past October.)

This is the fifth installment of "Five Positive Logs to Light Your Marriage", a series inspired by James MacDonald's "Five Logs on the Negativity Fire".

Today we'll address quality time.

It's kind of like the weather. Everyone talks about it, but no one does anything about it. We look to spending quality time with our kids, with our parents, in ministry groups.

And we talk about spending quality time with our mates, but everything else seems to get in the way, and we'll do it next week.

What is quality time? It's time spent talking, listening, and being present for our spouse. Basically the kind of stuff we did during courtship.

It's not sitting through another agonizing installment of Downton Abbey because your husband can't get enough of Maggie Smith, or trying not to doze off during your wife's rapt viewing of Wimbledon (which is kind of a sporting version of Downton anyway).

Doesn't mean you shouldn't share those times - you should. That's part of being understanding your spouse's tastes.

Quality time comes when the TV is turned off and the computer screen is dark. It's when you go for a walk around the block or around the yard, holding hands and asking "What moves you?"

"What brings you joy?"

"How can I make your life happier?"

OK, you're not askingliterally. But you are asking leading questions that will draw out the information you need to be a better wife or husband.

And you're willing to share the vulnerabilities that can make your spouse live up to the role they want to assume.

It's like prayer. You have to be willing to talk, to ask God for help, or for cool stuff (still waiting on that Ferrari, I am), or just to say Howdy.

But you have to be willing to listen for His reply, as well.

And then you have to be willing to make that reply part of your life, from that moment forward.

That's quality time.

This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage (and I got to write today's!). If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information.


  1. Now, Andrew, this sure seems like you're saying many of the same things here in your post as I did in mine! ;) "What moves you?" and sharing vulnerabilities with your spouse. I know you're saying you want to stay toward the softer, more loving side of emotions with your spouse and that's something we should aspire to at all times. Just thought I'd give you a little ribbing, my friend! Great post!

  2. I'm guilty of defining "quality time" as simply time spent with each other, and your right, there's so much more to it. Looking forward to your quotes. :)

    1. Thanks! And if you have some good quotes, please let me know!