Healing Harmony in your Marriage

This is the fourth installment of our series "Five Positive Logs to Light the Fire in your Marriage".

Today we'll be talking about healing, and the resolution of the emotional wounds that spouses can inflict on one another.

There's an old song called "You Only Hurt The One You Love"; well, not only, but the unique vulnerability that comes with being married makes those hurts deeper and harder to heal.

Sometimes the hurts are unintentional. The casual slights; getting involved in a telephone conversation while a carefully prepared dinner slowly cools and congeals.

And sometimes they're very intentional indeed, harsh words spoken in anger, aimed at the weak points that we are privileged to know, to do the most damage possible.

The way to handle both of these, when you';re on the receiving end, is the same.

Let it go.

It sounds like simplistic feel-good hogwash, right?

But consider this - first, you know your spouse. You know that he or she made a commitment to you, and has kept that commitment for quite a while.

Do you think something has suddenly changed? It's not likely.

So, the hurt, delivered accidently of intentionally, is an aberration. It's not part of the consistent norm of your marriage (if it is, you need to seek counseling...now).

Second, you can only control your own reaction. You can't control someone else's emotions. Your mate may have had a bad day, and is taking it out on you. It's unfortunate, but it happens.

You don't have jurisdiction there, but you do have jurisdiction over your soul. Exercise it. Being hurt is not a choice, but holding onto it is.

And finally, remember this...you've probably given as good as you've got, and many of the hurts you inflicted were swallowed silently, and perhaps sometimes in very good grace indeed.

We are all sinners. Against God, and against one another.

And what has God done with our sin?

He let it go.

This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage (and I got to write today's!). If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information.