Nurturing Compliments

When you were dating, did your mate-to-be shower you with compliments, on everything from you hair to your taste in music?

Has that changed?

Do you miss those days?

The sincerely given compliment is one of the most important things in marriage - or in almost any relationship. It waters the soul, and opens up a channel of communication between two hearts that is hard to emulate in any other aspect.

If this has gone out of your life, it may be worth looking at why...it may not be what you think. And a lot of it might be on you.

Maybe your spouse is taking you for granted? That's a common complaint, and sometimes true, but the fact is that it often goes both ways. If roles are rigidly divided, as to who does the dishes, who does the laundry, etc., there's the natural tendency to, "I did MY job, why haven't you finished YOURS?"

Doing the work together's a lot better - or letting the person who's less tired handle it. Almost any strategy to avoid the "this is my job,. that's yours" is a good one.

Are you suspicious that compliments come with strings attached? Sometimes they do - but often they don't, and being spring-loaded to "What does he want from me NOW?" is surprisingly easy to pick up, in your body language and tone of voice.

Being suspected of wrongdoing often enough will make anyone avoid the situation. Like the cat who sits on a hot stove, and will never sit on any stove again - even a cold one.

Finally, do you accept compliments gracefully? Or do you throw them back, and point out that the compliment really isn't deserved?

A compliment's like a present. If someone gives you a gift, and you hand it back, saying no, thanks, I don't really rate this...will you expect another one soon?

What do you think?