This community is a lifeline for me.
I'm forced to write ahead of time, and will try to edit around this week's word when it's revealed. Not doing too well, physically.
(The word is CRAVE. This is going to be tough. But it's worked in at the end, and I think it kinda fits.)
It's been another bad week, and I've lost more ground than I thought I had left to lose.
Aside from the normal run of vicious abdominal pain and nausea (anyone want to finish my dinner) and the Glories of Incontinence (can anyone spell D-E-P-E-N-D-S?), there are some new things...
Dry heaves that are so physically trying that Barbara thinks that this is how I will die, overstressed by the spasms. I don't disagree.
And pain in the long bones and spine, so bad that I can barely get up from a sitting position (getting up from lying down takes minutes), and need to be half-lifted from the bath. Please pray for Barbara's back.
She thinks it may be a metastasis to the bone marrow, and that's possible. There's no way to be sure, absent tests for which we can't pay, and on the whole...I'd just as soon not know.
But God is still good, and always has been
I have a wonderful wife, and a pack of rescued dogs who will help me sit upright when I try to pass out. If I collapse outside they will huddle around me to keep me warm. If I can't walk they will drag me back to the house.
I have lovely friends (yes, YOU, who are reading this!) whose grace-filled comments on this blog keep me going, keep me wanting to witness to the good that is still in life.
I have a sheltered place to sleep. We can't really afford to heat the house, save Barbara's bedroom, but even in the colder areas it's not that bad. So many people, even in our wealthy land, have so much less.
I have nutritious and safe food, and so many people in the world do not.
I have books and DVDs, which I can appreciate with new eyes. There's both strength and hope to be found in the reboots of Star Trek and Star Wars. Thank God for J. J. Abrams and his crew!
I have hope. Perhaps there will be a healing miracle, and I do what I can to keep my dreams alive. It may not be much; it may be laying out the pattern for an aeroplane part on a piece of steel, a part that I do not now have the strength to cut out...but maybe one day, I will.
And I have a purpose, which is made manifest in this blog. Life is still worth living.
I can appreciate the smile of a happy dog, Barbara's laugh when she sees something funny on television, the shimmer of brightness in the instant before the sun peeks over the Manzanos, the mountains to the east.
I can appreciate the ability to do something, no matter how small, that moves my dreams forward, without the need to compare myself to those who have far outdistanced me in shared aspirations. And I can applaud their successes, while savouring my own.
This isn't me. This is God, and His Grace, showing me that my cup is not half empty, and not even half full.
My cup of delight and joy is filled to overflowing.
I once craved a return to health; but there is fulfillment in being exactly where I am supposed to be.
Here's the music for this week...for no other reason than it's been running through my head!
have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update...he's probably going to be moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!
He's up over 200,000 signatures, but PLEASE keep the pressure on. If you haven't signed, please do! Please click o his name in the paragraph below.
If you have a moment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.