The funny thing is that the thought may not bother your mate all that much. Earlier this evening I dealt with dry heaves that I thought were going to tear me in half, and to be honest, I didn't really have the time for sentimentality.
And something like that happens every day; often several times a day.
It's a bit hard to be nostalgic when the next moment may be awful beyond any rational consideration.
But I digress...there are certain practical things you can do to make your life as a caregiver quite a bit easier over the holidays - to say nothing of that of your spouse.
- Don't talk up complex plans; when you're ill, your mind's like a narrow shelf. Push something on the front, something else falls off the back, and that's really frustrating to now about yourself. You mate may have a very limited capacity of processing and retaining the information you'd like to convey. Break the message into smaller parts, each with a clearly defined start and end. Instead of saying, "We'll get a tree and decorate it and then have hot cocoa and watch It's A Wonderful Life and then we'll cann out-of-town family..."NO. Just ay, "Let's go get a tree." leave the rest for later.
- Don't accept or decline invitations to parties or gatherings on your own; make your spouse part of the decision-making process. There is nothing more dehumanizing than having someone else making decisions for you, and presenting a fait accompli.
- When accepting invitations, be aware that travel time will run down your mate's energy. The road bumps that a healthy person takes for granted can really hurt when you're sick.
- When at the party, you have to keep an eye on your husband or wife, and
whenbefore you see energy starting to flag, it's time to go. (That correction was suggested by Peggy Booher, a wonderful and wise friend.)
- Be careful about planning a 'Christmas Shopping' excursion. While you may feel it would be a tonic (and your mate may feel the same way) the crowds and sensory input can be overwhelming...not the mention the long walk from ad to a parking spot.
- This is going to sound unfair...and it is...but avoid Christmas music or movies that put you, the caregiver, into a melancholy and sentimental mood. Your mate may well not be able to deal with that, an those media choices are just that...choices. Don't set your own triggers. Not now.
What do you think? Is there anything you'd add, or anywhere you think I'm wrong? Please, speak!
Much to my surprise, I decided to participate in a '31 Days' blogging exercise; rather than interrupt the flow of this post, I have another blog established, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Ariel Sharon) and a short commentary.
And now that October's over...I'm going to keep it going. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update...he's probably going to be moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!
He's up over 200,000 signatures, but PLEASE keep the pressure on. If you haven't signed, please do! Please click o his name in the paragraph below.
If you have a moment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.