Why we're here...

Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

We're honored to be a member of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association...click on their logo to visit them.


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Your Dying Spouse 99 - It Gets Scary

Things are getting scary for Barbara. She's not entirely sure what she'll find when she comes into the kennel area in the morning - am I still alive?

Or when she comes home - am I still alive?

As a caregiver and a member of the working world, she has to face those fears effectively.

I think she does, and he's how - to my perception - she does it (we don't talk about this, so as not to upset what could be a fragile equilibrium) -

Prayer - we no longer pray together (though I email her a personal prayer each morning as she's taking the train to work), but she does pray, and spends a lot of time on devotional and Scriptural reading,

Diligence - nothing like taking your mind off things, and doing the best for one's employer is not only an obligation, but it's a good way to live...and it helps in maintaining a balanced life, keeping control over things that are under your control. That balance builds a solid base against the vagaries and heartache of a mate's terminal illness.

Exercise - exercise promotes good health and generates endorphins which lead to a positive outlook, both of which help in controlling the effects of fear (and perhaps help put fear in perspective).

Connections - barbar maintains friendships with people in her office, and regularly speaks with her Dad and the lady he's just proposed to (he's a widower, and he's 79, and it's a good match).Life goes on in the wide world, and being part of that - again - puts fear in perspective.

What do you think? Is there anything you'd like to add?

And here is the song (with a nice video) that inspired this post - Molly Jenson's "Give It Time"-

If you can.please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links (they're 99 cents each). And if you'd like a free PDF, please email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll gladly send them


  1. May you enter this new year peacefully and resting well, my fighting friend.

    Would Barbara consider doing a 'guest' post or two in the days ahead? Would love to meet her ...

    1. Linda, thank you so much. After running a fever of just over 105 in the last twelve hours...ANYTHING will be more peaceful! But I'm OK. I can take...and more importantly...accept this without resentment

      I'll ask Barbara; she's very involved in new responsibilities and training at work, which is part of her 'armour' against being too torn up by what's happening here, but she may want to share some thoughts.

      God bless, my friend!

  2. Would also like to meet and encourage Barbara, Andrew. It would be wonderful to get her thoughts also for your book. A happy and blessed New Year to you both.

    1. I'll see what I can do, Kim...she's very private, and perhaps she can talk 'through' me...that might work.

      Thank you so much for your love and support on this journey, and or your prayers. I appreciate you so very, very much!

  3. Andrew, I just watched a movie I thought I'd never watch, Julia Roberts in EAT PRAY LOVE. I liked it, of course the weird guru stuff I just pushed aside. After the movie I was petting our little Sam dog who is 11 years old and I just began crying like a little kid at the very thought of him getting old and not being anymore. I imagine Barbara feels like that every day. My heart is full for her tonight and for you - I'm glad you're still here. xo

    1. Susan, thank you for the thoughts and prayers...and I love your turn of phrase, 'weird guru stuff'!

      And I think you're exactly right about how Barbara feels.

      Thank you for being here tonight. You're important to me.

  4. Too bad you don't have a "Like" button on your blog. I'd click it often for your posts.

    1. Oh, Jan, thank you! I'd considered migrating over to Wordpress, but I REALLY like the orange swirls. My favourite colour, and it reflects the upbeat feeling in my heart.

      Thank you for being here!

  5. Those are all great aspects to keep active in our lives whether we are facing a terminal illness or not, Andrew. Thanks again for sharing your insight. I'm so sorry that you seem to have taken a turn for the worse lately ... especially since I believe it is your birthday, correct? (Showed up on my Google calendar) Happy Birthday, my friend! I hope that it has been one filled with the knowledge that your life has made a difference for so many.

    1. Beth, thank you...and it is my birthday.

      It's humbling, realizing how many people come here, and reading the comments. The strength and the courage I receive are just overwhelming, far more than I could ever muster on my own, and I have learned so very much about how wonderful people can be, and how deep is the reservoir of love and faith in the world.

      It's my honour and privilege to try to pass that along, in every way I can. Yes, there has been a turn for the worse, but only physically. What I have learned about the truth of Jesus' message, and the primacy of love and encouragement and compassion far outweighs the things that are rather beyond discomfort.

      So often I have been told that it's OK to resent this, to cry out to God in anger and frustration...but I don't feel any of those things. This is part of life, and some of it's disagreeable to be sure, but it's not a raw deal. It's all right.

      I'm all right.

      Thank you so much for your love and prayers, Beth, and for simply being here.

  6. Happy belated birthday, Andrew. Such a painful journey for you both. Thank you for these insights into Barbara's steps to fight fear. I'm thankful she has a community around her and maintains these connections. Worship is one that has strengthened and sustained me in my walk through fear and grief. Some of the songs that have ministered to me deeply are here: https://joyofthespiritwithin.wordpress.com/2015/10/14/day-10-love-is-drawing-you-into-his-presence-in-worship/

    I pray for God's strength, peace, hope and joy to sustain you both.

    1. Anna, thank you so much! I will pass on the musical suggestions - Barbara is a big believer in praise and worship, and I'm sure these will bless her.

      Thank you so much for being here, and for your prayers!

  7. Andrew, you're so welcome. I thought I'd share this Scripture that my Mum held onto in her final days from Philippians 4 (The Message):

    Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

  8. Andrew, So happy to see you still posting, even though I understand things aren't going well. Added your wife Barbara to my prayer list...
    Thought I'd pass on this verse to you both. It was the first thing I laid eyes on this January 1. It's from 2 Chronicles 20:15-17:
    He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’”
    Be blessed, my friend, the Lord is with you!