The word this week is SEASON.
Execute, execute, execute.
I am not sure how long I can keep this up. The keyboard seems like a living thing, moving under my fingers, and I am chasing the keys to type.
But I have to, because there's no other good way to communicate. I can talk, but it hurts, and now my wife and I keep in touch by email, notes, and hand signals.
Hell of a thing
barbara is in the Season of Death. Mine, and it's much harder for her than it is for me.
Ilive with deterioration. I can fight back against it, hard as I can, and I do. I have an enemy with which I can come to grips.
But she's on the sidelines. She leaves for work in the morning, not knowing if I will reply when she emails at lunch, not knowing I will be conscious, or alive, when she comes home in the evening.
I can't imagine that kind of stress. I have it a whole lot easier.
And when she says goodnight, will it be 'goodbye'?
She's got her own room; since I don't sleep much, and often have to light up a cigar and put on a DVD to get through the night, I sleep on a sofa in the kennel room. The dogs don't mind; they enjoy my company.
And it's the right thing to do, but there's the question for Barbara...will she come out to greet a corpse?
I have a horizon; my body will, I think, tell me shortly before it's about to call it a day.
She has no such hope for closure. Her life is in a constant holding pattern of an unspeakable present, one that she can't 'hope' will end...but one from which she longs for escape.
And that is the Cross carried by the caregiver.
A season of death, a season without end.
Aren't you glad you're not my wife?
PLEASE pray for her. Please, please, please.
And if you can.please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
The most recent book on Kindle..."PTSD And The Holidays - Helping The Veteran You Love". If you'd like a copy, please either click on the cover to go to Amazon or email me at tempusfugit02 (at) gmail (dot) com and I'll send a PDF. It;'s short, but if you're dealing with PTSD, it may help.
I'd also like to mention, again, the other two new short ebooks.
The first is "Faith in the Night", which describes why, in the face of a life that has largely fallen apart, I still have faith, and still feel loved by God...and why I still want to live.
The second is a Christmas story, "Angela - A New Mexico Christmas". It's about a boy, his grandfather, and the cow that saves their lives in a blizzard...but she's part of a beef herd, and can the rescued become the rescuers?
If you'd like one or both, you can email me (tempusfugit02(at) gmail (dot) com) for a PDF, or click on the covers to go to the Amazon Kindle pages. They's both 99 cents.