Your Dying Spouse 556 - Forever Young

I won't share my age, but those who know me best would describe me as having the soul of a nineteen-year-old rugby hooligan who's happened upon an unattended case of beer.

Now that is the highest of compliments.

But seriously, one of the nice things about dying young is...well, dying young.

I was never cut out for aging. Had no good examples, no positive images of grandparents and the like. None at all.

And even if I lived like Methuselah, I'd never be a 'wise elder' or a sage.

I'd just be the oldest dead due in the cemetery, who never grew up.

Yes, I'll missed something..."grow old with me, the best is yet to be" with my dear wife.She'll have to find someone else with whom to grow old. I hope she does.

That's so hard to write; cancer is taking so much. But I hope she'll go on, and I hope that she'll carry the joy I found with her, and my love for her, in her heart.

Kind of sore about all this, really, but what are you going to do?

Beer's up!

Music from Kenny Chesney, with (what else?) Young.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 555 - Well, That's One Way To Get A Reader

"You know," said Barbara, "the only way I really know how you're doing is to read your blog."

Oops.

I've never been a big talker, and can generally get by in conversation on about two words an hour. But this was a bit of an eye-opener for me, since

1. I'm married to the lady
2. I've got a terminal illness that directly influences her life

The reason for my vocal reticence is, I think, that I'm just really tired of having to process pain and discomfort twenty-four hours a day. Add to that writing about it, and having to dig pretty deep (painfully deep, sometimes) for truths...and I'd sure rather crack really bad jokes.

Such as...Why did God choose mary to be Jesus' mom?

Because she was clearly adept with handling children...after all, the Bible does say "she was great with child".

Did that distract you from my being, well, disrespectfully uncommunicative with my wife?

No? Darn.

The point is that she shouldn't have to read about me in the papers, so to speak. No matter how tired I am of living cancer, I owe it to her to be at least illuminating, so that she can share this journey, and offer the compassion she so longs to give.

Lesson learned.

Music from Toby Keith, with How Do You Like Me Now?

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 554 - What Do I Do NOW??? {FMF}

Another really bad symptom, and it's not going away.

I call it 'Death In The Dunny', and if you're curious, you can look up the symptoms for pancreatic cancer. I won't describe it further except to say that it signals a badly compromised pancreas.

I face it several times a day, and it's frightening every time. Well, not frightening. Terrifying and disheartening, that's maybe more like it.

Today Joseph Prince said on the telly that god wants to heal me. I'm thinking...maybe He lost my address?

And He wants to make me rich...where do I send my routing and account numbers?

I speak in jest, but if I only used a selective reading of Scripture I might actually believe that twaddle.

God wants something far more difficult. He wants to save my immortal soul, and He sent His Son into mortal life to die horribly as the price I could never pay.

And the privilege I receive is the opportunity to bear witness to His Love in my life, to the fact that when your health is wrecked and recreational activities are pretty well reduced to watching DVDs between dreaded trips to the dunny, life is still worth living, and love is still worth giving.

He loved me from His agony on the Cross.

I can love others from my agony on the dunny.

Music from 30 Seconds To Mars, with Do Or Die.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 553 - Gotta Be Careful About Christmas

A couple of years ago I wrote a short book called PTSD And The Holidays; if you're curious, scroll down and you'll see the cover (which is a link to Amazon).

But the holidays are kind of hard when you're dying, too. The sentimentality that goes along ith a lot of Christmas songs and traditions can cause a sudden black wall of depression, even despair, to rise in the heart.

Maybe it's the "let's all be happy together" thing, and one feels like one's looking in through a closed window. Maybe it's memories of Christmases Past, when pain and unstoppable dry heaves (and worse) weren't a part of every moment, waking or not.

I can't remember the good Christmases. I can't remember what it was like to feel good. Or even 'ok'.

I remember faces that are missing, though. Too many.

So I'm being careful. Barb's got a Christmas special on the telly in the living room. I'm at the other end of the house, rocking out to The Digital Age.

It's a self-preservation thing.

So here's The Digital Age, with Captured.

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.

Your Dying Spouse 552 - The Kind Of Faith Worth Having?

After a 'perfect storm' weekend of things in my physical state going really wrong, I'm not up to writing much tonight.

There has to be meaning in lie past cancer; when the hopes and dreams fade, and the screams rise in the night, there's got to be something at the core that's worthwhile.

When you're alone facing a destiny that you don't want, there's got to be a rightnes to what's happening, even if you can't see it.

Faith.

It doesn't have to be strong; maybe it's better that it's flickering, even, because then you have to care for it, understand what nurtures it and what stomps it.

Maybe an unexamined faith isn't worth having.

Music from Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol. 2. Enjoy!

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.