This morning I heard a story on the radio about two girls who became pen pals over forty years ago, as part of a school project. One was in Oregon, the other in Australia.
For all that time they wrote letters, back and forth, sharing their hearts. And finally they've met.
And what now? Facebook? Emails? Phone calls?
No. Letters. They're more powerful, both women agree.
When was the last time you got a personal letter. or even a postcard? I remember when I did. September, 2001. They were from my then-fiance, now wife, and yes, I still have them.
We exchanged emails, too, and left messages on one another's phones. But even though I meant to download the emails, they're now lost/
The phone messages eventually disappeared, too.
But the letters are still there, carrying the messages they carried thirteen years ago, and carrying the emotion of the person who wrote them in the press of pen on paper, the slant of letters and lines. Emotions I can read more clearly now, after more than a decade together.
That, I think, is the power of the written word. It's a living thing, not constrained by a cage of clocks to one moment, but allowing an interpretation ongoing, down the river of time.
Writing letters today would take discipline. It would take a deliberate effort to turn one's back on an aspect of convenience, to buy pen and paper and envelopes and stamps, and hardest of all...to wait for a reply.
But maybe l;earning to wait in this area will help us to learn to wait in others. Maybe patience is a virtue, after all, and one that we can learn...and should learn, because...
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. The shall rise up with wings as eagles. The Shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Why we're here...
Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.
We're honored to be a member of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association...click on their logo to visit them.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Hearts, Faith, and the Prophet
A few centuries ago a prominent religious leader warned against extremism.
It wasn't Jesus.
It wasn't Paul.
It wasn't Augustine of Hippo.
It was Muhammad, the Prophet of Islam.
He also advised good treatment for the people of the Book - Jews and Christians.
Something is very wrong in what we are being taught about Islam. You leaf through the Internet for about ten seconds, and you'll find a lot of websites - many, unfortunately, with a Christian outlook - that go as far as suggesting that Muslims be exterminated.
You get a prominent TV cleric who talks about 'sweeping away' the Muslim shrines on Jerusalem's Temple Mount.
Muslims have a different set of beliefs. Does that make them less human?
Does that give us, as Christians, the right to ignore the positive, accepting parts of their beliefs, and merely focus on the hate-filled messages of a few?
Would WE want to be represented in our faith by Westboro baptist Church? (You remember - the guys that show up at the funerals of US troops and give thanks/)
And maybe we should remember this - Christ initially came for the Jews, and when He was rejected, turned to the Gentiles.
Are we rejecting Christ, in the hatred we support? Will we knock, and find His door barred - "I never knew you?" - because of what we tolerate in our hearts and faith?
Just asking.
It wasn't Jesus.
It wasn't Paul.
It wasn't Augustine of Hippo.
It was Muhammad, the Prophet of Islam.
He also advised good treatment for the people of the Book - Jews and Christians.
Something is very wrong in what we are being taught about Islam. You leaf through the Internet for about ten seconds, and you'll find a lot of websites - many, unfortunately, with a Christian outlook - that go as far as suggesting that Muslims be exterminated.
You get a prominent TV cleric who talks about 'sweeping away' the Muslim shrines on Jerusalem's Temple Mount.
Muslims have a different set of beliefs. Does that make them less human?
Does that give us, as Christians, the right to ignore the positive, accepting parts of their beliefs, and merely focus on the hate-filled messages of a few?
Would WE want to be represented in our faith by Westboro baptist Church? (You remember - the guys that show up at the funerals of US troops and give thanks/)
And maybe we should remember this - Christ initially came for the Jews, and when He was rejected, turned to the Gentiles.
Are we rejecting Christ, in the hatred we support? Will we knock, and find His door barred - "I never knew you?" - because of what we tolerate in our hearts and faith?
Just asking.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Nurturing Compliments
When you were dating, did your mate-to-be shower you with compliments, on everything from you hair to your taste in music?
Has that changed?
Do you miss those days?
The sincerely given compliment is one of the most important things in marriage - or in almost any relationship. It waters the soul, and opens up a channel of communication between two hearts that is hard to emulate in any other aspect.
If this has gone out of your life, it may be worth looking at why...it may not be what you think. And a lot of it might be on you.
Maybe your spouse is taking you for granted? That's a common complaint, and sometimes true, but the fact is that it often goes both ways. If roles are rigidly divided, as to who does the dishes, who does the laundry, etc., there's the natural tendency to, "I did MY job, why haven't you finished YOURS?"
Doing the work together's a lot better - or letting the person who's less tired handle it. Almost any strategy to avoid the "this is my job,. that's yours" is a good one.
Are you suspicious that compliments come with strings attached? Sometimes they do - but often they don't, and being spring-loaded to "What does he want from me NOW?" is surprisingly easy to pick up, in your body language and tone of voice.
Being suspected of wrongdoing often enough will make anyone avoid the situation. Like the cat who sits on a hot stove, and will never sit on any stove again - even a cold one.
Finally, do you accept compliments gracefully? Or do you throw them back, and point out that the compliment really isn't deserved?
A compliment's like a present. If someone gives you a gift, and you hand it back, saying no, thanks, I don't really rate this...will you expect another one soon?
What do you think?
Has that changed?
Do you miss those days?
The sincerely given compliment is one of the most important things in marriage - or in almost any relationship. It waters the soul, and opens up a channel of communication between two hearts that is hard to emulate in any other aspect.
If this has gone out of your life, it may be worth looking at why...it may not be what you think. And a lot of it might be on you.
Maybe your spouse is taking you for granted? That's a common complaint, and sometimes true, but the fact is that it often goes both ways. If roles are rigidly divided, as to who does the dishes, who does the laundry, etc., there's the natural tendency to, "I did MY job, why haven't you finished YOURS?"
Doing the work together's a lot better - or letting the person who's less tired handle it. Almost any strategy to avoid the "this is my job,. that's yours" is a good one.
Are you suspicious that compliments come with strings attached? Sometimes they do - but often they don't, and being spring-loaded to "What does he want from me NOW?" is surprisingly easy to pick up, in your body language and tone of voice.
Being suspected of wrongdoing often enough will make anyone avoid the situation. Like the cat who sits on a hot stove, and will never sit on any stove again - even a cold one.
Finally, do you accept compliments gracefully? Or do you throw them back, and point out that the compliment really isn't deserved?
A compliment's like a present. If someone gives you a gift, and you hand it back, saying no, thanks, I don't really rate this...will you expect another one soon?
What do you think?
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
See the Future, Be the Future
Jack Nicklaus, possibly the greatest golfer that ever played, said that 90% of his success was due to visualization. He played every shot in his head until he was completely confident that he could physically carry out what he'd already rehearsed.
Jesus said that we should see what we pray for as if we already have it.
So why aren't there more people playing really good golf, or receiving what they pray for?
Simple. We don't do the visualization. We skip that step, except for a cursory "I see myself in this picture."
Not terribly effective, unless you count wishful thinking as a good life strategy.
The whole point of visualization is preparation. In golf, it's preparing your body for a successful shot by preparing your mind for success.
Same thing in prayer. Seeing yourself receiving your prayers - really seeing the result - puts you hand in hand with Jesus in making sure it gets done.
Let's say you're praying for your troubled marriage. You don't want a divorce but your husband is out with his 20-year-old secretary five nights a week and you're looking at the pruning shears with a new eye.
What do you visualize? What do you see, in that healed relationship? Do you see yourself enjoying each other's company, the way you used to? Having quiet evenings at home, just being together?
(Stop thinking about the pruning shears, please.)
Those are the things to visualize, not with an "I wish" wistfulness, but with a Technicolor representation of your husband being the man he promised to be. You need to visualize the details - what he's wearing, how he's sitting, what his voice sounds like, what's on the end table, what lights are on. You need the whole package.
But what good does it do? You can maybe prepare yourself through visualization, but how can you affect someone else?
Turns out, you can. Try this trick - next time you're in the Food Curt at the mall, pick someone whose back is to you. Will that person to turn and look at you. Visualize the head turning, the direction it turns. Visualize the person's face, at least what you know of it.
Chances are that your 'target' will turn, and look in your direction, puzzled. Don't forget to smile back.
To the more complex marriage situation, Norman Vincent Peale (he of "The Power of Positive Thinking") once had a woman in his congregation whose husband was out gallivantin' with his secretary. he wanted a divorce.
She said, "All right - but I want sixty days before I agree."
He was puzzled, but didn't give it much thought as he went out the door. And out he went, night after night.
Meanwhile his wife was picturing him sitting in his old armchair, reading. She saw the curl of his hair, the folds of his clothes, and smelled the smoke of the pipe he smoked.
Night after night, he went out. Night after night, she saw him at home.
And then one night he hesitated on the way to the door, said, "I don't really feel like going anywhere", and sat down.
The next night he was out again, but his wife didn't quit.
More and more often he stayed home, until one night he was reading in his chair, and she said to him, "This is the sixtieth day."
He looked up, and said, "So?"
"After sixty days, I said I'd agree to a divorce, if you still wanted one."
He snorted, turned the page in his book, and said, "Don't be silly."
Jesus said that we should see what we pray for as if we already have it.
So why aren't there more people playing really good golf, or receiving what they pray for?
Simple. We don't do the visualization. We skip that step, except for a cursory "I see myself in this picture."
Not terribly effective, unless you count wishful thinking as a good life strategy.
The whole point of visualization is preparation. In golf, it's preparing your body for a successful shot by preparing your mind for success.
Same thing in prayer. Seeing yourself receiving your prayers - really seeing the result - puts you hand in hand with Jesus in making sure it gets done.
Let's say you're praying for your troubled marriage. You don't want a divorce but your husband is out with his 20-year-old secretary five nights a week and you're looking at the pruning shears with a new eye.
What do you visualize? What do you see, in that healed relationship? Do you see yourself enjoying each other's company, the way you used to? Having quiet evenings at home, just being together?
(Stop thinking about the pruning shears, please.)
Those are the things to visualize, not with an "I wish" wistfulness, but with a Technicolor representation of your husband being the man he promised to be. You need to visualize the details - what he's wearing, how he's sitting, what his voice sounds like, what's on the end table, what lights are on. You need the whole package.
But what good does it do? You can maybe prepare yourself through visualization, but how can you affect someone else?
Turns out, you can. Try this trick - next time you're in the Food Curt at the mall, pick someone whose back is to you. Will that person to turn and look at you. Visualize the head turning, the direction it turns. Visualize the person's face, at least what you know of it.
Chances are that your 'target' will turn, and look in your direction, puzzled. Don't forget to smile back.
To the more complex marriage situation, Norman Vincent Peale (he of "The Power of Positive Thinking") once had a woman in his congregation whose husband was out gallivantin' with his secretary. he wanted a divorce.
She said, "All right - but I want sixty days before I agree."
He was puzzled, but didn't give it much thought as he went out the door. And out he went, night after night.
Meanwhile his wife was picturing him sitting in his old armchair, reading. She saw the curl of his hair, the folds of his clothes, and smelled the smoke of the pipe he smoked.
Night after night, he went out. Night after night, she saw him at home.
And then one night he hesitated on the way to the door, said, "I don't really feel like going anywhere", and sat down.
The next night he was out again, but his wife didn't quit.
More and more often he stayed home, until one night he was reading in his chair, and she said to him, "This is the sixtieth day."
He looked up, and said, "So?"
"After sixty days, I said I'd agree to a divorce, if you still wanted one."
He snorted, turned the page in his book, and said, "Don't be silly."
Monday, July 22, 2013
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Downton Abbey
I'm a guy. Anything I say about women may be wrong. Okay?
And I'm about to go nuts with generalities.
But I may have figured something out. The main difference between men and women is not in relationships, or interests, or chemistry, or planet of origin.
It's time.
Men live in episodic time. For a guy, a typical event timeline is quite short, and when a specific event is over...it's over. The memory goes into a kind of neutral archive, an emotional cold-storage locker.
Women live - I think - in a continuum. What happens in a woman's life today is directly and intimately related to what happened last week, last month, or ten years ago. Pursuant to that, what a woman experiences today will color her life in the future, to a much greater degree than it would a man's.
Men live a sitcom life. There's generally almost no carryover from one episode to the next. As such, they are relatively easy to figure out. Understand the episode, and you understand the man.
Women live series that go on for years, and build up such layers of complexity that one simply can't walk into a woman's life and expect to understand what's happening in her heart within a few minutes. The backstory is everything.
A prime - and almost cliched - example of this is romance. For a woman, a romantic evening begins long before the actual event, with anticipation, hope, and communication. The dinner at the Top Of The Mark is the culmination of a process that takes days or weeks to unfold, and can only be fully enjoyed in its completeness.
For a man it's different. "Want to have dinner at the Top Of The Mark? You do? Cool. I'll pick you up next Friday at seven."
He'll probably make arrangements for a nice wine, and make sure of what's on the menu, and verify that he has a suit that's more or less clean, and socks that match, at least broadly, in color.
Then he'll go clean the carburetor, and all thoughts of romance will dissipate in the wonder of an engine that breathes better.
Are men horrible pagan barbarians?Yes.
Oh, sorry, I meant, no. Men are just different, but expecting them to fully understand the full texture of a woman's life is like taking a cat to the opera.
And in the end, just as a cat needs a home that provides structure and food, men need women. A woman's heart is the emotional repository of tradition and feeling, and it's only there that most men can find a place, and continuity, and meaning, in the world.
What do you think?
And I'm about to go nuts with generalities.
But I may have figured something out. The main difference between men and women is not in relationships, or interests, or chemistry, or planet of origin.
It's time.
Men live in episodic time. For a guy, a typical event timeline is quite short, and when a specific event is over...it's over. The memory goes into a kind of neutral archive, an emotional cold-storage locker.
Women live - I think - in a continuum. What happens in a woman's life today is directly and intimately related to what happened last week, last month, or ten years ago. Pursuant to that, what a woman experiences today will color her life in the future, to a much greater degree than it would a man's.
Men live a sitcom life. There's generally almost no carryover from one episode to the next. As such, they are relatively easy to figure out. Understand the episode, and you understand the man.
Women live series that go on for years, and build up such layers of complexity that one simply can't walk into a woman's life and expect to understand what's happening in her heart within a few minutes. The backstory is everything.
A prime - and almost cliched - example of this is romance. For a woman, a romantic evening begins long before the actual event, with anticipation, hope, and communication. The dinner at the Top Of The Mark is the culmination of a process that takes days or weeks to unfold, and can only be fully enjoyed in its completeness.
For a man it's different. "Want to have dinner at the Top Of The Mark? You do? Cool. I'll pick you up next Friday at seven."
He'll probably make arrangements for a nice wine, and make sure of what's on the menu, and verify that he has a suit that's more or less clean, and socks that match, at least broadly, in color.
Then he'll go clean the carburetor, and all thoughts of romance will dissipate in the wonder of an engine that breathes better.
Are men horrible pagan barbarians?Yes.
Oh, sorry, I meant, no. Men are just different, but expecting them to fully understand the full texture of a woman's life is like taking a cat to the opera.
And in the end, just as a cat needs a home that provides structure and food, men need women. A woman's heart is the emotional repository of tradition and feeling, and it's only there that most men can find a place, and continuity, and meaning, in the world.
What do you think?
To The Moon, Alice!
I hated "The Honeymooners". Never understood what was funny about Jackie Gleason.
But "to the moon" is a good quote, because that's where we should be going, as a nation.
It's not that we don't have enough problems here, and it can be hard to justify spending money on spaceflight, especially to a place where we've already 'been there, done that'.
There are sound technical reasons for returning to the moon - but there's an overriding moral one, and that is that we are in danger of losing our optimism, and losing the dreams that made this country what it is today.
Optimism requires a look ahead, and a look up. It requires a call to courage, both moral and physical. It requires faith. And in the past, we had those qualities in some abundance.
A country without faith would not have survived the Great Depression intact. The recession of 2008-2011 was nothing in comparison. The Crash of 1929 and its aftermath put a quarter of the nation out of work, and required the government to change its focus from caretaker to activist.
A country without courage would not have gotten through the twin crises of Viet Nam and Watergate with as little permanent damage as we have had.
\But now - it seems we've lost the direction we had. We routinely elect, and then seek to tear apart, our elected officials. We look for bad things to think about entertainment giants - it's a far cry from fan clubs - remember those?
Will going to the moon - or anywhere in space - help? Not immediately. But when we can look up there, and realize that there are people on that small white orb, living and working, and that they came from down here, it'll change the way we think about the connections between places.
And the connections between events. Suddenly it won't matter as much, to many people, who in Hollywood divorced whom.
The optimism we can generate with a consistent, hard effort will have benefits here, too...because optimism fulfilled creates confidence, and it's confidence that solves the problems at home. It's the attitude, "Sure, we can fix that - after all, we're going to the Moon."
We owe it to ourselves.
But "to the moon" is a good quote, because that's where we should be going, as a nation.
It's not that we don't have enough problems here, and it can be hard to justify spending money on spaceflight, especially to a place where we've already 'been there, done that'.
There are sound technical reasons for returning to the moon - but there's an overriding moral one, and that is that we are in danger of losing our optimism, and losing the dreams that made this country what it is today.
Optimism requires a look ahead, and a look up. It requires a call to courage, both moral and physical. It requires faith. And in the past, we had those qualities in some abundance.
A country without faith would not have survived the Great Depression intact. The recession of 2008-2011 was nothing in comparison. The Crash of 1929 and its aftermath put a quarter of the nation out of work, and required the government to change its focus from caretaker to activist.
A country without courage would not have gotten through the twin crises of Viet Nam and Watergate with as little permanent damage as we have had.
\But now - it seems we've lost the direction we had. We routinely elect, and then seek to tear apart, our elected officials. We look for bad things to think about entertainment giants - it's a far cry from fan clubs - remember those?
Will going to the moon - or anywhere in space - help? Not immediately. But when we can look up there, and realize that there are people on that small white orb, living and working, and that they came from down here, it'll change the way we think about the connections between places.
And the connections between events. Suddenly it won't matter as much, to many people, who in Hollywood divorced whom.
The optimism we can generate with a consistent, hard effort will have benefits here, too...because optimism fulfilled creates confidence, and it's confidence that solves the problems at home. It's the attitude, "Sure, we can fix that - after all, we're going to the Moon."
We owe it to ourselves.
Friday, July 19, 2013
How to Lose Your Faith
Tired of being a good and faithful servant?
All that hope getting you down?
Heaven seems like it'll be a bore?
Well, there's a way out! All you have to do is lose your faith, and you, too, can live a miserable, pointless existence - a random walk between two black pits.
The best way to get started in losing your faith is to cultivate friends who pretend to be Christian...but live like flaming pagans. They should be people you look up to, so being accepted by them will be important to you. Put yourself in their care, and they'll carefully start to corrode the solid foundations God (that busybody!) has made for you.
Then...ditch 'em. They are still pretending to be Christian, after all, so when you've used them up, spit them out. Find some acolytes of your own...and work to cultivate some true atheist friends.
Your new buds should be smart, funny, and attractive. Looking good in a Speedo is a plus. A big plus! You can bask in their glory, and when they slam religion, you can join in.
Read authors who are unbelievers. When reading a memoir, turn to the last page. If you see the word 'God', put it away!. The story's just a Christian commercial. Not worth your time.
Be cruel. Cruel is fun, as Donald Trump knows, and don't you want to be like him? Why be nice, especially to losers? They're future worm food anyway - yes, like you - but you can step higher when you step on their heads. They're losers. Who cares?
There you go. Try this, and watch hope fade away!
Watch kindness evaporate like ice in August!
And watch God pull every trick in the book to get you back.
Remember...He wrote the book.
All that hope getting you down?
Heaven seems like it'll be a bore?
Well, there's a way out! All you have to do is lose your faith, and you, too, can live a miserable, pointless existence - a random walk between two black pits.
The best way to get started in losing your faith is to cultivate friends who pretend to be Christian...but live like flaming pagans. They should be people you look up to, so being accepted by them will be important to you. Put yourself in their care, and they'll carefully start to corrode the solid foundations God (that busybody!) has made for you.
Then...ditch 'em. They are still pretending to be Christian, after all, so when you've used them up, spit them out. Find some acolytes of your own...and work to cultivate some true atheist friends.
Your new buds should be smart, funny, and attractive. Looking good in a Speedo is a plus. A big plus! You can bask in their glory, and when they slam religion, you can join in.
Read authors who are unbelievers. When reading a memoir, turn to the last page. If you see the word 'God', put it away!. The story's just a Christian commercial. Not worth your time.
Be cruel. Cruel is fun, as Donald Trump knows, and don't you want to be like him? Why be nice, especially to losers? They're future worm food anyway - yes, like you - but you can step higher when you step on their heads. They're losers. Who cares?
There you go. Try this, and watch hope fade away!
Watch kindness evaporate like ice in August!
And watch God pull every trick in the book to get you back.
Remember...He wrote the book.
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