Every time I feel more upbeat, and especially when I write it, I get clobbered by the malignancies within.
Last week, I was in the habit of going outside in the evening to look up into the New Mexico sky, and leaning on Barbara's car watch the stars and planets and aeroplanes. The crickets spoke quietly in the background, a perfect homely foil for the vastness above.
This week, I can go outside, and bending over in pain, bracing myself on the car, trying to endure the next moment, and not thinking to the one after that...and only the crickets are the same.
The Good Old Days were a week ago.
I’m locked into a narrative that says I’m going to die, and that I should take comfort in looking back, and letting the pain and sorrow of today be a key to unlock the meaning of yesterday. Life will become a series of anniversaries marking the Good Old Days.
Yeah, well. I’m REALLY GOOD at picking locks, and I’ve escaped that nasty paradigm. I’m looking ahead. Maybe this will all be miraculously healed, the pancreatic cancer and the non-Hodgkins lymphoma, but even if it isn’t, I’m pointing myself at tomorrow, and I’ll just take the crap and the pain and all that with me. Heck, everyone's got baggage; mine's just a little more repulsive than most.
I’ll make my memories out of the next dawn’s breaking light, and celebrate the anniversaries of that which still lies ahead.
Music from the Electric Light Orchestra with Mr. Blue Sky, and the opening credits for what has become my all-time favourite film, Guardians Of The Galaxy: Vol. 2. Enjoy!
Please pardon my slow response to comments. I do my best, and your comments are really precious to me. Barb is answering many of them now. I'm running on fumes, if you don't mind a macho metaphor.
I'm grateful for the energy to have written this. I'm so glad Barbara's stepped in for many of my posts. I'm really not doing well at all.
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.