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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Monday, November 6, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 401 - The Face Of Despair

This will be short, as I'm feeling both physically and spiritually wrecked. Things just keep getting harder, and I'm stumbling, literally, when I try to gain my feet.

Not from weakness, but from pain for which I simply can make no more allowances.

And where will it end?

Scratch that. I don't want to think about it.

And I have to look into the mirror, and see the face of despair.

I can't turn away, because that would be the ultimate betrayal...not of myself, but, oddly enough, of my illness.

The vicious path means something, and it has a message for which I've been selected as a delivery boy. I sure didn't want the job; I sure wanted it to pass from me.

The message changes with the depth of, well, agony.

Awhile ago it was, You can still do SOMEthing worthwhile.

The it turned into the sparkles of joy, like fresh grass blades, shining dew-borne in the early sun, peeking up through the cracks in the hard paving.

And now it's this:

I can still be kind.

And I try.

Music is from Sister Hazel, with Champagne High.

I do ask that you be patient with my slow replies to your comments (which we treasure). I'm trying to stay caught up.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. You're a gem, Andrew. I've been reading your various comments on Books and Such and other blogs and your reflections here, and I am amazed at your transparency and awed by your grit, gratitude, and deep faith. I wouldn't doubt there are others like me, invisible to you, but part of your journey. And I know there are a whole host of saints surrounding you in the unseen world that awaits us all, at the ready to welcome you truly home. But while you are here, know that no light shines as brightly as that of a match lit in an underground cave. Darkness in God's hands allows a brilliance seen nowhere else. By your light, we see and are strengthened.

    1. Ann, I am honoured beyond speech by your words; on this most trying of days, you've given me such a bright and warm light!

  2. Yes your story is still not done. "The it turned into the sparkles of joy, like fresh grass blades, shining dew-borne in the early sun, peeking up through the cracks in the hard paving." Such beautiful imagery. And the video you shared also has quite the imagery too! Thanks for blessing my day!

    1. Lynn, your words are truly a blessing to my day! Thank you for this...and no, not done yet. Not by a long shot. And I am so glad you liked the video!

      Still in this fight.

  3. Yes, Andrew. No matter what the day brings, you can still be kind--even in your pain, my friend. And that is what you are and have been all along! Praying that your pain is bearable today because of the One who bears you up through this valley. Praying!

    1. Beth, thank you, and you got it exactly right...today would have been absolutely intolerable without God's Grace.

      It's for a purpose, and He knows there are stretches of the road I can no longer walk. So He carries me.

  4. Andrew, I admire the way you can find something to hold onto, a purpose to pursue in the midst of this horrible illness. Your perspective and honesty are an inspiration, my friend.

    Continuing to pray.

    1. Jeanne, thank you so much. Holding on can be hard; letting go is harder.

      And thank you so much for the prayers.

  5. Bless your dear heart, Andrew. I found your blog through the comment you left at Blue Cotton Memory. I am not sure what all you are going through, but I want you to know that your courage and kind heart are just amazing. The light of Jesus' love shines through everything you say. I am so sorry for your pain, and may God just hold you extra close during this difficult time. Sending prayers up for you right now.

    1. Cheryl, thank you so much for stopping by! The issue's pancreatic cancer and now, probably, non-Hodgkins lymphoma. It's a bit painful, and scary.

      I truly appreciate your kind words, and especially your prayers.

  6. You are still accomplishing a lot with your posts here and on the Books & Such blog. You'll never know this side of Heaven how much you have inspired all of us.