Your Dying Spouse 336 - God's Lighthouse {FMF}

OK, no punches pulled...it's just getting so absurdly bad here...way beyond what I thought I could deal with.

And it just keeps going.

Part of the night is spent curled in a ball, trying not to scream too loudly. Barb has to go to work, after all.

And the morning brings no relief, just a blur of pain and necessary movement, and sluping down when I have to, staring at nothing until I pass out and fall over.

Big bruise on the forehead. Fell over the wrong way.

Oh, and this is written ahead of time for Five Minute Friday. I'll try to add in this week's keyword when available. (The word is COMFORT. It's there.)

You've got to ask...is this worth it? Is facing this doomed last stand every single day worth the pain and the humiliation of blood and urine and other stuff, and the endless exhausting cleanup?

Is it worth going down this ever-narrowing tunnel, feeling the rough and nasty walls scraping my shoulders?

Yes. It is.

It's worth it for the love in my life, for the chance to bear witness that life can still be good when it seems so bad, for the desert sunrises and the Milky Way at midnight, turning slowly overhead.

But absent these, it would still be worth it, because this is the fight I was born to face.

This is the enemy that has chosen me...and I, in return, choose him, in a fight that can have no quarter.

There is a n appropriateness here, something of a comfort.

This is where I get to play the man, after Hugh Latimer's immortal words...just before he and his friend Nicholas Ridley were burned at the stake for heresy:

Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out.

I, too, want to ignite a flame that will not go out...and that by God's grace I can show through deed and word that God's Grace extends over these Alamo walls, and down into the pit of pain, the slough of despond. 

I want to tell the world that even absent the love and comfort with which I'm blessed, I would still have Love and Comfort that can never be extinguished, however dark the night.

And night is coming, the night that will know no earthly dawn for me. This place on the Internet will go dark, and my footsteps and voice will become a memory.

But the light will shine all the more brightly, because in the end, what I have realized is that I, along with Nicholas Ridley and Hugh Latimer, and the fuel for God's lighthouse.

That lighthouse that promises and delivers so much...eternal grace, eternal life, eternal love...can only be fully seen here through the lens of pain that is transfigured by faith.

So bring it, and may my passing become a lamp unto your feet.

So...what's the musical theme to be? Something to do with light, perhaps?

Nah. Need some disco, so here's Laura Brannigan...

You may be interested in another view of this, from Kara Tippetts, on Mundane Faithfulness. I left a comment there...kind of my manifesto.

Still hoping to get the new and improved version of Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart up and running in the near future. Just haven't had the energy to do it yet...but if you would like to read it, please say so in your comment and I'd be glad to send you a PDF (which should fit your Kindle).

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.

WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.