Didn't need to know that.
Unfortunately, it's an easy trap for both caregivers and patients to fall into., and it can cause some problems down the road.
Caregiving is an unasked burden; even though it's implicit in our wedding vows, we wouldn't be human if we didn't hope that we'd never have to face it. And that holds true when we do it well, with all of the love we have, and all we receive from Above, flowing out to the patient.
It's a burden, and burdens need to be shared.
Unfortunately, the need to share doesn't always coincide with being in the company of the right person to share it with, and one can find oneself confiding descriptions, hopes and fears to the wrong ears.
Not hostile ears, but ears that are uncomfortable with what is said.
That's why every caregiver really needs a same-sex supportive friend, or a counselor, or a support group. There are places to bare one's soul, and we all need to find these, as places of safety to weep, and to mourn the loss that is coming, among people who understand.
The same thing goes for patients. We've all heard of the 'organ recital' of the chronically ill who will assail all an sundry with their symptoms, and it's a stereotype because it's all too true. I've done it, and even though I try to avoid it I have done it here, on this blog. (For which I offer an embarrassed apology.)
The patient's main outlet, especially when activities and travel are restricted, is the caregiving spouse. It's a tough burden, but it's real.
(It shouldn't go the other way...as a caregiver you should not unburden yourself to your sick husband or wife. Believe me, he or she already feels like a burden as is. This may be the topic of a future post, but meanwhile...please don't do it!)
What it all boils down to is this - we want to be heard. We want to find some affirmation in the words of others that what we're doing really matters, and that we are, in fact, doing our best in a situation that may seem, and in truth be, hopeless.
We owe it to ourselves and our husbands and wives, in our care, to be heard by those who understand. And we owe it to those who don't want or need our confidences not to impose them.
We're linked with Messy Marriage's From Messes To Messages - please visit for some great marriage resources!
Music for today...how about Asia, and Only Time Will Tell?
A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.