As things have been a bit ghastly (almost died again, two nights ago...this is getting to be a habit, and not a good one) I'm writing ahead of time in the hope that I can edit in The Word Of The Week.
Accepting this as God's will has been a hard process.
I mean, being at least nominally a writer, I see some folks talking about God's Blessings in their lives, in the form of getting agents and contracts and multi-book follow-on deals.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to evade incontinence's effects by never straying far from a lavatory.
What's the deal, here? Is God dumping this on me because I need to be made better or stronger? Am I that bad that I need the 'smash course' in character-building?
There are those who have suggested that this is saving me from a worse fate, like Alzheimer's. To be honest, I am kind of glad that I won't grow old, but the theological basis for that 'comfort' is pretty sketchy.
I mean, if He could deliver me from this, He could deliver me from Alzheimer's, too. Right?
The more rational view (to me!) is that illness is a byproduct of the requirement for free will, and for God to 'take it away' would be something of a negation of purpose. Having to choose to believe when you're lying on the floor, your bowels voided because you collapsed on the way to the lav, is something of a test.
(This doesn't proscribe miracles, but I think that a careful reading of Scripture shows that miracles were brought for a larger purpose than to benefit the individual or individuals involved, but I may be quite wrong.)
At any rate, somewhere in this mess of blood and puke and faeces (sorry) is God's Will, and what am I to make of it?
The answer's pretty simple. I have seen enough love and grace in this life that I am willing to take everything else on faith, and that includes a purpose in suffering.
I don't have to know the purpose, now or, really, ever. The only thing I know is that my job is to tell of God's Mercy to my dying breath.
The only thing I can do now is to reach out with my words, to you who are reading this, and to say that while gems of grace in life may be rare, their beauty is enough to fill a heart.
When I look back with honesty and not an egocentric prejudice, I can see that I have been blessed and loved, by God and His ministering angels (in canine and sometimes human form) far more than I would have had a right to expect.
And I've lived the grace of trying to return that love in full.
I can deal with another needed change of underwear, another sleepless night of pain.
And I don't need to know why. I can embrace His will, and that's enough.
Just for fun, here's a lovely song, Who I Am, sung by Jessica Andrews. I hope you enjoy it!
A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.