As things have been a bit ghastly (almost died again, two nights ago...this is getting to be a habit, and not a good one) I'm writing ahead of time in the hope that I can edit in The Word Of The Week.
We'll see.
(It's EMBRACE.)
And so...
Accepting this as God's will has been a hard process.
I mean, being at least nominally a writer, I see some folks talking about God's Blessings in their lives, in the form of getting agents and contracts and multi-book follow-on deals.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to evade incontinence's effects by never straying far from a lavatory.
What's the deal, here? Is God dumping this on me because I need to be made better or stronger? Am I that bad that I need the 'smash course' in character-building?
There are those who have suggested that this is saving me from a worse fate, like Alzheimer's. To be honest, I am kind of glad that I won't grow old, but the theological basis for that 'comfort' is pretty sketchy.
I mean, if He could deliver me from this, He could deliver me from Alzheimer's, too. Right?
The more rational view (to me!) is that illness is a byproduct of the requirement for free will, and for God to 'take it away' would be something of a negation of purpose. Having to choose to believe when you're lying on the floor, your bowels voided because you collapsed on the way to the lav, is something of a test.
(This doesn't proscribe miracles, but I think that a careful reading of Scripture shows that miracles were brought for a larger purpose than to benefit the individual or individuals involved, but I may be quite wrong.)
At any rate, somewhere in this mess of blood and puke and faeces (sorry) is God's Will, and what am I to make of it?
The answer's pretty simple. I have seen enough love and grace in this life that I am willing to take everything else on faith, and that includes a purpose in suffering.
I don't have to know the purpose, now or, really, ever. The only thing I know is that my job is to tell of God's Mercy to my dying breath.
Why?
The only thing I can do now is to reach out with my words, to you who are reading this, and to say that while gems of grace in life may be rare, their beauty is enough to fill a heart.
When I look back with honesty and not an egocentric prejudice, I can see that I have been blessed and loved, by God and His ministering angels (in canine and sometimes human form) far more than I would have had a right to expect.
And I've lived the grace of trying to return that love in full.
I can deal with another needed change of underwear, another sleepless night of pain.
And I don't need to know why. I can embrace His will, and that's enough.
Just for fun, here's a lovely song, Who I Am, sung by Jessica Andrews. I hope you enjoy it!
A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!
And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.
(((hugs))) Andrew! So happy you are still writing! I think the biggest thing that I have taken from seeing people I love suffer, and suffering with my own health (though not to any similar extent) is that life can downright SUCK, but focusing on our ETERNITY will bring us through, whether our physical is ever healed our spirit can and will be through the One who created us. I find peace in that. Today can be full of meds and pain and being sick through the house... or outside like I am a dog, but if today is the last my eternity will be good because of my faith! I know your eternity is going to be beautiful Andrew!! God don't let us down! Praying for you always!
ReplyDeleteMarisa, you;re so right! The prospect of eternity and the permanent healing there is surely the anchor that holds through the storm. Thank you for this!
DeleteAnd thank you so much for your prayers!
Andrew, profound. So many things you said resonated with me tonight.
ReplyDeleteThis: "I don't have to know the purpose, now or, really, ever. The only thing I know is that my job is to tell of God's Mercy to my dying breath." You're right. God doesn't have to tell us the WHY of what He allows into our lives. To choose to continue to share about Him . . . yes. That's faithfulness.
And this: " I have seen enough love and grace in this life that I am willing to take everything else on faith, and that includes a purpose in suffering." Yes. Thank you for this reminder my friend.
I continue to pray for you. Thank you for your faithful living and the way you share so beautifully.
jeanne, thank you for this lovely, lovely comment. I treasure your words and thoughts!
DeleteAnd we so appreciate the prayers. Truly.
What a profound pile of puppies! You, my friend, personify embracing God's will. Keep sharing, keep daring us to go deeper, love better, and accept more wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anita! Love the term, 'profound pile of puppies'...that's a keeper.
DeleteI so appreciate your words, and I ill keep going as long as I am able. I promise.
Andrew, your words give such meaning. You are a testament of true faith and living it out humbly and meekly. May God bless and strengthen you. If you had a book I would definitely read it, even if it's just a collection of these five minute friday posts. Your writing, spirit filled. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteBonnie...wow. Thank you for this, I am so honoured by your words. I hope that I get enough energy stored up to turn these posts into something permanent. God willing!
DeleteThanks so much for being here.
Andrew, this right here: "The only thing I can do now is to reach out with my words, to you who are reading this, and to say that while gems of grace in life may be rare, their beauty is enough to fill a heart." Yes! It's an honor to love you brother. I'm in the #6 spot this week.
ReplyDeleteOh, Tara, thank you so much! And it's an honour to love you back; your words have helped me grow in faith.
DeleteThis is such a powerful post. I wrote about embracing God's will too but this challenges me so much. The way God shines through your words in the midst of such suffering is amazing. You really live this out:"The only thing I know is that my job is to tell of God's Mercy to my dying breath." and I am so grateful for your testimony of God's grace. I love the picture of the puppies too!
ReplyDeleteLesley, I'm so grateful for your words; honoured, and humbled. Thank you so much...and I'm glad you liked the pups!
DeleteSo glad to hear from you again, Andrew: your words are always uplifting. "To tell of God's mercy till my dying breath" is a beautiful ministry. Praying for you today.
ReplyDeleteSitting in the 27th spot at FMF this week - Jeannie
Jeannie, thank you for your kind words, and most especially for your prayers. They're appreciated - and needed.
DeleteOur sermon last week was on God as a Magician. If he is so powerful and so loving, why....? Why do so many suffer? But, you're right. That's a negation of free will- the good and bad. Thanks for this, Andrew. And prayers, always.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, thank you for this. The question of 'why suffering?' haunted me for a long time, until I realized the truth of the free-will-perspective. That sort of let everything fall into place.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for the prayers!
The answer's pretty simple. I have seen enough love and grace in this life that I am willing to take everything else on faith, and that includes a purpose in suffering.
ReplyDelete"I don't have to know the purpose, now or, really, ever. The only thing I know is that my job is to tell of God's Mercy to my dying breath."
And, this is enough. You wear grace well my friend. 2020. xo
Oh Susan, thank you! I do try to do justice to the grace I wear.
Delete2020 XOXOXOWaggyWaggyWoof!
As the song you shared says, you have friends who love you. LOTS of us! And you'll never know this side of Heaven how many lives you've touched and how many of those people go on to influence others because of your influence.
ReplyDeleteJan, thank you for this...the thought that I've touched lives, and that the ripples spread as on a pond, is sometimes dizzying. It's such and honour.
DeleteThank you so much for being here!
My friend, you never cease to amaze me. Only you can have us balancing precariously between tears and repentance, and then you throw that dog picture in there. I burst out laughing.
ReplyDelete"The only thing I know is that my job is to tell of God's Mercy to my dying breath."
You inspire me, Andrew! And you make me want to be like you... to embrace my life in ALL of it's aspects! Thank you!
Praying still for comfort, strength, and healing.
Shauna (over in #52 this week)
Shauna, I'm sort of overwhelmed...no one has EVER said they wanted to be like me. You've given me a treasure that I will hold to my heart forever.
DeleteAnd I'm so glad you liked the dogs!
Thank you so much for the prayers. We truly appreciate them.
Andrew,
ReplyDeletemy goodness. The glory coming out of you, Andrew! Although I am on the verge of tears knowing that you are having more close calls than not and that each post really might be your last, I am so blessed by this one.
"The only thing I can do now is to reach out with my words, to you who are reading this, and to say that while gems of grace in life may be rare, their beauty is enough to fill a heart."
You have been a gem, Andrew. And just like a diamond in the rough, you have been in a deep polishing for the last two years I've known you here. You are so brilliantly sparkling now that I almost can't look your way at times.
And the glory is God's and you've made sure to express that with words like feces (although it looks less unpleasant in the British spelling that you used!).
That none of this is to your own credit, but that you have found the heart and beauty of a wonderous God after knowing the exact opposite of His love and grace at the hands of men.
You have shared some of your journey and we are so fortunate to have stumbled upon the gems you've shared!
I didn't post this week as I'm about to go on vacation for Spring Break to see my parents and two of my sisters and their families. It's been 4 months since we've been together.
Praying great mercy on you, Barbara, and the pups!
Love,
Tammy
Tammy, I don't know what to say except thank you, so very, very much.
DeleteI wondered once how Lou Gehrig could consider himself the luckiest man alive. Now, from a different perspective, I know. I've been given blessing so rich and deep and have been given eyes that can see them...I would never trade back for the old me with my health intact.
I wish you felicitous peregrinations! I hope you'll write about seeing your family!
And we thank you so very much for the prayers.
Love back, from all of us.
Ah,Andrew. I read your post for inspiration, and did I ever find it! Your questions have been my questions and the mystery continues. But this week I found another answer. "You can have God, or you can have understanding, but you can't have both." John Eldredge, Walking with God. JoyMartell
ReplyDeleteJoy, thank you! That you found inspiration here means the world to me, and I sure appreciate your saying so. And I love the John Eldredge quote...thank you for that!
DeletePowerful as always, Andrew - you have such a knack for finding wisdom, inspiration and humour from the darkest of circumstances. Thank you for continuing to share despite life getting more and more difficult... your words are treasured.
ReplyDeleteEmma, thank you so much! I draw a huge amount of inspiration - that which keeps my head above water - from the Five Minute Friday community. Without this wonderful place, I'd be long-lost.
DeleteI so appreciate your being here!
Andrew, how do you philosophize and theologize (is that a word?) when you went through all that? Ahem! No, seriously, it's a gift of humor and purpose and encouragement to us all. Your honesty inspires me to do this more in my own real life. I can't imagine how you are coping, but you are. Thank you for the tough questions and the hope.
ReplyDeleteChristina, it's hard not to try to theologize and philosophize whilst cleaning up nasty messes of which one was the cause! Have to find meaning somewhere in the...uh, never mind.
DeleteI'm truly grateful for your words; I draw much hope and truth from your writing. Thanks so much for being here.
Interesting that God's mercy often comes in the form of pain isn't it? We ARE that bad; bad enough that we deserve the death Christ took for us. It's what we ALL deserve but God in his ultimate mercy sent Jesus. His pain in mercy gives us life everlasting. Isn't that beautiful?
ReplyDeleteWhile God isn't "dumping" this on you, He is allowing it; physically you become weaker, spiritually you become stronger...good, godly consequences from something meant for harm. And that is what the Evil One doesn't understand. He comes to destroy, instead, when we allow the Holy Spirit to work, God brings growth and glory from Satan's efforts.
Sadly that was something the folks at our former church didn't get. They had been brainwashed to view mercy as pretending deep sin wasn't present, and now they wallow, not understanding why they're producing rotten fruit and dying a slow, painful death. Very unfortunate because God could have done such wonderful things if only...
Always hugs, prayers and love for you and Barb.
Christy, thank you for this - you've got the relationship between God's mercy, and His allowing pain, absolutely right. Great job!
DeleteAnd that God brings glory from Satan's efforts - brilliant. Absolutely right.
I'm so sorry that your old church just didn't get it. It's what happens, I think, when people let their own cherished ideas block the view of the One True God.
Thanks so much for the hugs and prayers - love back!
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed to read your words every week.It is hard to embrace the truth of your "lot" when your lot is such a lot! You are an encouragement to me and to many. Love the doggies! #73 this week.
Mary, thank you so much for this! You really made my day, with this comment. And I'm so glad the doggies reached out to your heart!
DeleteAndrew, I'll risk a little litany of alliteration and say what a proliferation of puppies on a chair and what a profound post you have shared here! I'm guessing they get the fact you're dog-tired and want to wilt alongside them. Their paws offer you a holy pause and their affectionate snuggling is a great comfort in your suffering.
ReplyDeleteYou write: "while gems of grace in life may be rare, their beauty is enough to fill a heart", and yet you offer such treasure here each week. We don't have to mine for those grace gems, because they're woven through your words and shining diamond bright. While your raw journey often makes us feel like weeping, you also touch our hearts with wise insights and glints of grace glowing through the detritus of your days. It's a wonder to behold. Brother, you are definitely trailing signs of glory in the mess - the blood, vomit and excrement adding a raw, human (and often darkly humorous) element that enhances the rest of what you share. We can only watch, read, smile, wonder, cry, sigh and pray for you and your beloveds. You inspire me so much.
Joy, I loved the alliteration! You gave me a big smile - thank you for that.
DeleteAnd thank you so much for your thoughtful, kind, and gracious words. Today was an awful day, truly horrid, and you've done a great deal to turn that around. I am so very, very grateful!
As we are grateful for the prayers. They are, rest assured, very much needed.
Thank you for writing your real story. When I read of your embrace of God's will even without understanding it all, I find encouragement.
ReplyDeleteThe puppies made me smile. How you can have puppies and puke all in the same post, I don't know. But you make it work.
Prayers and love to you.
Oh, Cheryl, puppies and puke! Laughing hurts, but in this case it was worth it!
DeleteThank you so much for this; your words have done a lot to lift my spirits on what has been a really hard day.
Your prayers are so very appreciated; prayers and love back, from all of us.
Love the puppies. Very profound words. I'M GLAD YOU ARE BLOGGING!! IT IS A TESTIMONY OF YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH THE DARK NIGHTS AND PAIN THAT WILL REMAIN. It's no picnic down here for anyone, but yes we are living in a fallen world that is a result of human free will and choice. We are each handed a different set of cards to play with and it is up to us what we do with them and how we play them. You've never quit playing Andrew, and that is pretty amazing! Blessings to you and Barbara.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, thanks so much (and the puppies wag their tails)!
DeleteThank you for these lovely and gracious words...I'm really honoured, and I promise, I'll keep playing the hand dealt me.
Blessings back, my friend!