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Sunday, July 24, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 185 - Listening to God

The thing that really sucks about being terminal is that there's a lot more past than future, and it you're screwed up big-time, it feels like there's no way to get out from under the dreck.

And I was there last week. My careers are over, I'm a crap husband (Barbara had to remind me why people even take vacations), and being serious as a heart attack, I tended to scare would-be friends.

To say I don't mix too well with people is kind of an understatement. (Unless they're needing some kinetic attention, and then I mix rather too well.)

We have dogs. A lot of dogs, because we opened the doors to anyone who had no other place to go.

This comes with a cost; Barbara works - hard - and I have limited energy, and it's fading fast. These guys do not get the attention they deserve, and you look at Facebook and stuff, and you think..."I'm not enough. They get food and shelter and each other, but there's not enough me to go around."

I felt like crap. I felt like I was failing them.

And last Friday (this is Sunday night) a little Belgian Shepherd pup turned up, and insisted on coming into the house. I hadn't seen him around the area, and so said, "Sure...come on in!". Thought, well, one more. Bring it. A dog out on his own lasts less than 24 hours here.

He stayed the day, and that afternoon his parents, having just gotten home from work and finding their dog missing, were driving round the neighbourhood, slowly. I flagged them down, having a gut-feel for what they were looking for.

And so Rex went home, much to the dismay of everyone here. In a few hours he made himself more popular than a snowcone vendor in an Arizona summer. He's got a warm, winning, and just plain FUN personality.

This morning...guess who showed up?

Yep. Rex. He wanted to be here. With the minimal attention that I can now give, with the heat in the house (this is July New Mexico, and we can't afford AC, with all that...he wanted to be here.

He jumped into my arms. And didn't let go until I took him inside to meet his friends.

Yes, his folks came and got him, but he'll be back. They don't mind; they know he's happy.

Everyone's happy.

And I am not quite the failure I thought.

Marley update...he's received a lot of support, but STILL NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.

WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

If you have a mment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.


If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

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26 comments:

  1. It's amazing the means God uses and the lengths He goes to in order to convince us of the truth that we are not "the failures we think we are." So thankful that God has given you the gift of dog-love!

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    1. Michele, thank you so much for this! God does indeed go to great lengths, and a few hours ago the little chap dropped in for dinner.

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  2. Andrew, you and I are on a dog link! How wonderful that Rex has a place to go and how perfect that God comfirms your value. Thank you for sharing this!

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    1. Thank you, Carol. He really pulled me out of hole.

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  3. My nieces love dogs like you do. I'm thankful there are people who take care of dogs with such care and genuine love. What a difference you continue to make. You are still useful, still purposed.

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    1. Lisa, thank you...I do not know what I would do without the dogs whose schedule and needs completely take up what energy I have. I might have written more novels; but I could not have given or received more love.

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  4. No, you're not a failure, Andrew. And I'm so glad that little Rex showed up to remind you of that truth. Blessings and prayers.

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    1. Thank you so much, June...and he showed up again tonight!

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  5. It's great how God brings someone or something into our lives at just the right time to lift our spirits or remind us of truths. I'm glad he brought Rex into your life to remind you that you a definitely not a failure. Blessings to you!

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    1. Gayl, yes...God does work through the symbology we can understand, and to which we can relate. I was going down hard, emotionally...and Rex brought a light that I could not have found any other way.

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  6. I believe you are a little too hard on yourself. And, you've had more future than even seemed possible a few months to a year ago. You've defied the odds and have kept going. I think that's been a gift to many of us who enjoy your words and candor. Rex knows a good thing when he finds it. He has found friendship, and friendship means a great deal. Thanks for being my friend and the friend of many of us in the in this online community.

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    1. You may be right, Norma...and my doctor says that I am so far past beating the odds that he will never go to Vegas again.

      Part of it is an almost literary dynamic tension - there are those, whom I see daily, who say that I should give up and fall into Jesus' arms.

      And there are the small souls like Rex, and all the others...and I have to be here, incarnate, for them.

      I choose this life. Heaven can wait.

      And being your friend is more honour than I can ever say.

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  7. You've got a tender heart in there, man. Your open door policy is a rarity these days ... what a gift to offer God's 4-footed creatures.

    You take 'pet therapy' to a whole other level.

    We all cheer you on!

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    1. Linda, thank you so much!

      That door will never close, and if a two-legged critter comes up, well, I don't discriminate. Haven is for all, and to be defended to the last.

      So glad you're here!

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  8. I bet those dogs sense something rare in you that other humans struggle to demonstrate. All the others who've commented here, Andrew, see it and sense it in you too. Thank you for giving until your last breath to us all, my friend. It is not in vain or taken by any of us for granted!

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    1. Beth, thank you for this. I don't know what it is they see, but Rex walked back into the house this evening (no AC, so the door was open) and all the other dogs just accepted him. Just in time for dinner, which he enjoyed!

      I so appreciate your presence and your words, my friend. And I loved the pictures from Tennessee on your blog!

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  9. Good thoughts, Andrew...God can give us what we need, whether it be a word or the snuggles of a little pup that wanders into your welcoming home...again and again! He assured you that you are NOT a failure; you have much to give while you can, when you can, where you can, and however you can...and He has many ways to let you know that!!

    Thanks once again for sharing your heart and the live you are in at this moment! Prayers always for you and Barb.

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    1. Barbara, thank you so much for this!

      A lot of this stuff is hard to write, because I have to live the feelings of failure...and the Heaven-sent upturn that alters that trajectory. It would be a lot easier if it were all 'set', and the exam results were known along with the lesson plan, so it could all be related at leisure.

      it just wouldn't be true.

      Thank you so much for being here!

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    2. Andrew, you may "feel" as if you are a failure; please know that in my mind you are NOT A FAILURE!! You are living the life that has been handed to you; you are living it to the fullest you possibly can. You are sharing your heart and soul with those who read your blog and follow your words. And, you are NOT A FAILURE in the eyes of God...you are His child and He is there with you through this...the end exam will be the Glory you find with Him, when that time comes.

      You and Barb are in my heart and prayers...always!

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  10. Just tonight, one of my sons was finishing up his summer project for school (English work) - and every so often, I'd find him cuddled with our golden retriever - a definite "comfort" dog - and then two of the boys (turning into young men now) - were all wanting the "comfort" dog (Sadie) - and Sadie - well, she wants a nose scratch, a back scratch - and wants to comfort and be comforted. I think all boys need dogs - no matter the age, no matter how many. It sounds like you both have a good deal going! I love how you described how popular /he/she was. I think she must have thought the same about you!

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    1. Sadie sounds smart - she knows she has it made!

      Two of our pack are my service dogs, and it's intereting how they will consciously sacrifice their own comfort to keep watch. I have a bit of a problem in that I might stop breathing, and three times they (a Heeler and a Pit Bull, both girls) have done canine CPR to get me going again.

      It exhausts them physically and mentally, but they remain on the job (though they are training a Bullmastiff puppy as their occasional relief).

      Thank you so much for being here!

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  11. Rex has found a new friend and go-to place. Try to be a bit kinder on yourself, friend. xo

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    1. Susan, please excuse my delay in replying...bad week. I will try to be easier on me. "Love thy neighbour as thyself!" Hard to do.

      And Rex came back to spend Friday here. Now, to make things easier, his mom will just drop him off on mornings when he'd be unsupervised and get out. Doggie day care! I love it!

      XOXOXOXOX WagWagJUMPWiggleWhineWOOF!

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  12. Dogs are good people, and they are attracted to good people. And you my friend, are good people!

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    1. Oh, Paul...thank you so much for this. Thank you.

      (And can I add...takes one to know one!)

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  13. I especially love this post because I don't mix too well with people either. I mean, I do, but I'm kind of fake. I act right, but sometimes I just wanna go home and be by myself. So, when I like my online people, I feel more normal. Also, loving my dog makes me feel pretty normal too. So, I'm good now. Thanks, Andrew.

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