Your Dying Spouse 187 - The Hidden Song Of The Samurai {FMF}

Once again it is time for Five Minute Friday, the keyword-driven weekly timed writing challenge hosted by Kate Motaung.

The work this week - which I requested, and to which Kate graciously agreed, is HIDDEN.

Because I have found some hidden truths along this road.

We have a problem in dealing with death, here in the West. We don't like it; we try to keep ourselves looking young, we often send older family members to hospice care in a place where they are surrounded by strangers, and we pay a lot of money to have cheerful and attractive corpses at open-casket funerals.

We use euphemisms; he passed on, she went to be with the Lord. When was the last time you heard someone say, "He died."?

We don't like it because we see death as defeat and loss.

But the truth is that when we push the awareness of death to the edges of our consciousness, like an obnoxious party-guessed shouldered outside, we're losing something now.

We're losing the present moment to that hidden fear we don't want to name, and we're losing honour, in the way a dying man may shamefully try to bargain with God.

Why do we hide from death? Is it that we find life of such worth that we must cling to it at all costs?

Is it that we want one more chance to make our lives right, to erase regrets, and to die with a clean balance sheet and our goals reached?

Is it that important to cross out every item on your Bucket List?

Do we really think we can find a way to hide from death?

Before I married I was a different breed of cat. IAs you may know I'm Asian, and practiced Zen Buddhism (thought I did then believe in Christ's divinity and sacrifice, as I do now). I meditated long and regularly, and took every moment to be sure I remained in the moment. I tried to make my soul a still pond, a mirror of whatever the sky chose to show.

I was a happy man. I needed little, and wanted less.

But when I took on the mantle of the householder I felt I had to be different, for Barbara's sake and for the sake of her family, that I would not be too weird to accept.

It didn't work well. I tried to keep what I truly am hidden from others, and for sure hidden from myself.

I tried to be the Western Christian churchgoing suburbanite. (And they still thought I was weird.)

And it led me to fear pain, and illness, and death. I spent far too many moments regretting the goals I would not reach, and hoping to outlast the reaper for another season. I took things of great importance far too seriously, and those of little significance I treated with shameful neglect. (This is not the fault of Christianity...it was my error in trying to be that which I was not, and bury that which I was, which is a Christian Zen Buddhist.)

But hidden streams have a way of resurfacing, and mine has. I've come to realize that very basic, hidden truth...

Accepting death is the way to freedom in each moment, and the acceptance of death comes at the death of ego.

We all want to live, but the only way to really live is to be present in each moment, not looking ahead with anticipation nor back with regret.

The next moment will be what it is, and if I live, fine. If I die in the next minute, this post won't be complete but my life will be, and I am OK with that. I am ready. I would like to see tomorrow, but I'm not desperate for it. Better to enjoy today, and tomorrow in its time, if it comes.

Ego wants to catch us in a cage of clocks and calendars, bound to past and future by tendons so tight that they can only be severed with pain.

When we really need to be flowers, which are born to be cut, and which beauty always was transient, and meant to be so.

My honour is not lost by the mistakes I've made in the past. If I have my honour at the moment of my death, that is as much as any man can ask, and it is enough.

Life is composed of the small and the large, and it''s incumbent upon me to treat the small with respect and value, and not to puff up the large to the size that it dominates all, leaving no room for Life.

Make no mistake, I'll fight with everything I have to live. And I can fight all the harder, knowing I have nothing to lose, and nothing to fear.

Hagakure, the sayings of Yamamoto Tsunetomo which were recorded 1709-16, is the book that codified the concept of bushido, the way of the Japanese Samurai. (You can find a summary of Hagakure here.)

It's all about accepting death in order to live more fully, and live up to one's responsibilities, and maintain one's honour.

The title, Hagakure, can be translated as hidden by leaves.

Interesting how the most basic truths are the ones we don't often clearly see.

Time to go sit zazen.

And yes, there were Christian Samurai.

(Side-note - I wrote this, and it took more than five minutes, ahead of time...and death nearly came for me a few minutes ago. I could feel my heart slow, and stop, and hesitantly start again, aided by Ladron leaping onto my chest when she saw what was happening. I'm a bit shaky at the moment.)

And here's a musical theme, which you may remember from the 80s (does anyone want to remember 80s music?)

And yes, given my work history, Barbara does call me her Secret Asian Man.

Marley update...he's received a lot of support, but STILL NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.

WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

If you have a mment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.