Your Dying Spouse 173 - When The Caregiver Stops Caring

It's human. You can get so overwhelmed with being the main attendant and sometimes the main focus of life for a terminally ill mate that a part of you is going to scream I am so tired of this and I just don't care anymore!

And then you'll probably beat yourself up for thinking disloyal thoughts.

But you've got to remember a few things -

• Emotion is largely out of our direct control. You can't stop a thought from entering your head. You can stop it from taking root. There's an old proverb, "You can't keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from nesting in your hair."
• Emotion and feeling and even love are variable. They are going to rise and fall over time; life is not a romantic comedy in which love simply grows and grows. Sometimes it lies dormant, sometimes it withers a bit. Trying to 'force' feeling is like making a tired horse work harder. You might be able to do it for a little while, but you can really ruin something.
• As long as you don't talk abut this kind of feeling, your mate likely won't know about it. What you do and how you act are the important things here, the points of contact.
• Finally, and most important, this feeling of indifference and futility will pass.

Be gentle with yourself. Doubt, anger, and even indifference are part of being human in a very tough and exhausting situation. Don't make it worse for yourself by trying to keep to an unachievable standard.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

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