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Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 142 - Prepare To Be Baffled

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An hour or so ago, I baffled poor Barbara. We had been watching The Voice, and a song was described as 'romantic and sexy'.

I asked The B how a song can be described that way; what does the expression mean? She was completely at a loss.

And I still don't know.

Once, I seem to recall thinking that I might have understood that...somewhere in a hazy dream in a language I no longer speak...and maybe never did.

And my wife is at a loss, because she, and most of the rest of the world gets it.

Implicit here is, I think, a warning to caregivers...prepare to be baffled.

As your husband or wife approaches the end of this life, there is, I suspect, a reordering and re-cataloguing of the way he or she has related to life and to the world. Things that seemed clear seem murky...and some things that were mysterious...like why do bad things happen?...are suddenly obvious.

She can't understand why I say, "Hey, yeah, I'm bent double in pain and I just spit up a pot of blood, but it's really ok, and I don't mind."

I mean, it's God's Will, right? It's not comfortable, but I don't recall the Big Fella asking if I minded discomfort or pain. It goes with what He needs done.

And that I don't understand it is just too bad. He does, and that has to be answer enough for me.

But I can't help my wife to see it this way...just as she can't help me understand why Luther Vandross' songs were called 'makeout music'.

I did like his Christmas album, though. He had a nice voice.

And maybe that's all I needed to know.

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  1. I can only imagine how murky things become for both the terminally ill spouse and the caregiver, Andrew. It's like all of life's pleasures and superficial joys are elusive and distant. Now is the time to just survive and make something meaningful of each day. You are doing so obviously well in that realm of life, my friend. You make things clearer for us to be sure! Praying you have moments of freedom from the persistent pain.

  2. Taste does influence what you find appealing. I never had a swoon for the swaying hips of Elvis or the Beatles or any male musicians that followed. I found my heart soaring with the harmonies of Jars of Clay and "Love Song for a Savior" and Switchfoot's "Only Yours".
    Maybe for some people, music is deeper than romance and physical pleasure.
    A good post to show the divides that must be acknowledged without personal slight.

    Then again, all the innuendo of the music played when I was in high school went right over my head!

    Glad to see you still here!

  3. Music inspires different things for different people; art is viewed differently for each individual that contemplates its meaning...we all become baffled at times as to how or why someone relates the way they do. I am baffled all the time at why my husband acts like a civilized OLD PERSON in a group of relatives, close and distant and the "in-law" type; yet when he get alone with me - his caregiver - acts/reacts/is a totally different person...whatever! I shake my head and move on, frustrated with the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde person that he is.

    Still following the journey with you and Barb. Prayers always!