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Friday, July 25, 2014

Married To A Morning Person

They say that God never made mistakes, but how else can one explain Morning People?

These are the folks who can't wait to jump out of bed and embrace the day. When they were kids they probably started at sunup, but as adults they realize something...

Mom and Dad won't make me stay in bed any more, because I'm a GROWN-UP!

So, you're liable to hear the sound of happy whistling from the kitchen, and smell the coffee and bacon, while the stars are still bright in the sky.

Shall we say 0430?

Well, no, sorry. Perhaps I shouldn't have said it.

Living it is bad enough.

Mornings are meant to be endured, not celebrated. Coffee is supposed to be obscenely strong, and the shower either too hot or too cold, for a good strong wake-up effect. Or a coronary. Whatever.

Most Morning People don't get this. They bustle about, just a-waiting for the Good Lord to end the irritation with a well-aimed thunderbolt.

But it's worse when they do get it, and then they empathize all over you, sitting at the breakfast table in happy silence, refilling your coffee and your breakfast plate.

Don't they realize it's supposed to be about suffering?

You'd think that the end of the day would bring revenge, but these folks don't tire out. They just...switch off. One minute awake in front of the TV, and the next, dead to the world.

Sorry. Bad choice of words. Too tempting.

It would be fun if you could empathize with their end-of-the day fatigue, but they don't possess the decency to have it.

So you're left sitting on the sofa next to this obnoxious sleep-of-the-just person...and you're wide awake, sitting through yet another South Park rerun because our 'cute' spouse has their head on your shoulder.

This post is dedicated to my wife, with condolences.
She is married to a morning person.
Who is planning to learn to play the bagpipes, to fittingly greet the day.


  1. Oh my gosh. I am laughing so hard to read this. My husband is a morning person and I am the one who is not. Bless his heart- he gets so much hell in the mornings if he tries to make the mornings better. I'm also subscribing! I love your sense of humor!

    1. Thanks, Crystal! I love mornings...and my wife thinks I'm quite mad.

      And thanks for the subscription!

  2. My husband and I are both morning people, him more so than me. I need a bit of time to wake up. He is up at 4:30 AM. I'm not far behind him. He will sometimes try to have deep discussions 5 minutes after I'm up and I need to remind him to give me at least one cup of coffee first.

    Hopefully you are not going to start the bagpipe lessons first thing in the morning, ha ha. They may not last very long in your home! :-) This gave me a good laugh today. Blessings to you.

    1. Thanks Kim! Good to both be morning people - that makes y'all a Force of Nature.

      As for the pipes...

      If I don't forbear the bagpipes to get,
      I'll have to answer to my wife.
      I'm enjoined to know, and not forget
      that the pipes have a bag, and she, a knife.

  3. Sweet post, Andrew! I don't know what is wrong with me ... I don't seem to be a morning or night person ... more middle of the day! I'm usually tired both early and late. I remember as a kid, if I were up early, I would get sick at my stomach ... and the same is true if I stay up real late. I need some excuse! :)

    1. Maybe you're an anti-vampire?

      I have read that people like you - mid-day people - are the best adjusted of all. Rejoice!

    2. Ha ha! I've never read that! I like that.