She HATES mice. She's not bothered by scorpions, spiders, or snakes. But mice...they elicit a mixture of loathing and fear that literally leaves her shaking.
I feel that way about bees, and did even before I discovered I was highly allergic. Barbara can let a bee land on her arm, and walk up to her shoulder, without flinching. Then she'll gently wave it away.
While I am nearly catatonic, and expecting this single bee to become the vanguard of a vast, buzzing, stinging horde.
I guess we all have our issues.
When we marry, we likely bring different issues to the relationship. which is both good and bad. I have no problem with mice, and while I don't want them in my house I'm not about the attack them with a grenade launcher.
Oh, sorry, a flamethrower. We've traded up.
But sometimes my less-ferocious attitude is the cause of intense irritation; my wife feels that I'm not hearing her, and that something which really bothers her, and about which she needs to vent - is ignored.
That's my failing, and I need to do better.
How? Well, obviously by listening, and by dealing proactively with any possible 'mouse invasion'.
But there's something more, I think. She needs me to be there in the feeling, to share it with her. She doesn't need me as a laid-back bulwark of tolerance against which she can find shelter.
But I don't know how to get there.
Other than to imagine the mouse is a bee.
How about you? Do you and your spouse have different hot buttons? How to you support one another when these issues aren't shared in their feeling?
This post is linked to Wedded Wednesday, a compendium of really cool posts on marriage. If you click on the logo below, you'll be taken to www.messymarriage.com, which is the springboard to a wealth of information.