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Thursday, August 29, 2019

Your Dying Spouse 665 - Lost And Found {FMF}

Life takes.

And cancer takes even more.

It is easy to focus on what's been lost; I can't raise my arms above head-high without pain (tumours in the neck), or bend over without the prospect of passing out (tumours in the abdomen), or walk fast (tumours in the lung).

I don't have the energy to do more than what's absolutely necessary, and a bit of writing; just my blog posts, and comments on other blogs.

The future's kind of foreshotened...there were so many plans...

For someone who used to be almost frantically active, it's a hard adjustment. I want to do stuff; and I can't.

But that's less than half of the story, because I've also received a lot, and it outweighs the loss.

I live every moment, now; there's no such thing as 'killing time'. (What an ugly expression!)

I've learned, I hope, a bit of humility. I thought high achievement made the man; no achievement certainly resets one's heart.

I've learned to truly care for and about others, because the love I can leave in their lives will be my only legacy.

In losing, I've gained.

In dying, I live.

Lord, I've lost so very much,
it's been taken from my hands.
If it's not wrong, asking such,
what on earth are your plans?
I dreamt of reaching out in words
and rising up in flight;
how could this have been untowards,
did I somehow dim Your light?
"My son, you look at what's been lost,
and I understand your tears and pain,
but know, with you, I've paid the cost,
and My tears for you remain.
If you'll but move clenched fists apart,
I've got something for you  My whole Heart."

Music from Engelbert Humperdinck, with Another Time, Another Place. Remember it?

Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Marley, the canine waif from Afghanistan, whom WE helped save, has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. oh I love His words to you... to us... THANK you, Andrew. Praying for you. Thank you for praying for me.

    1. Jane, please excuse my late reply...and thank you so much for your prayers

      Our prayers for you continue.

  2. But you do 'reach out in words' all the time, Andrew.
    Dementia stole so much of Dad, so many of his abilities, changed the wise man into a little boy, took him away from his home,
    (similar happened to my mum) but it also gave us, me such a great gift - he taught me so much in his weakness and loss, especially patience, kindness, love, and how to serve. In his losses, he gave me so much, changed me into a better person, more compassionate therapist.
    Still hurts like hell, 2 years after his death and 5 after my mum's, but we still have the diamonds that came from that time of great pressure and darkness.
    Don't underestimate teh gifts you are giving and the work you are doing for others at the moment, even though you probably can't see it, Andrew
    Much love

    1. Liz, thank you so much for sharing this story of loss, heartache...and, may I say, glory?

      Perhaps these are the heat and pressure in which God forms the diamonds of our hearts.

      Thank you so much for your kind words, and please accept my apologies for this late reply.

      Love back!

  3. You live from day to day with a renewable spirit. This is a quality that can be appreciated over and over again. I am glad for our friendship, and for what I have learned from you. Andrew, I am glad that we' are acquainted and have become friends via your online presence. The Lord bless you.

    1. My dear Norma, you speak so elequently to my heart...thank you for this, and for your riendship.

      And please exxcuse my tardy response!

  4. "If you'll but move clenched fists apart, I've got something for you..." Oh, what important words for every one of us today, Andrew. We have the power within us to choose to keep fists clenched — or open them up to receive (or share). Thank you.

    1. Susan, it can be so hard to unclench those fists...but I think that if we can pry them open, just a little, God will do the rest.

      Thank you so uch for being here, and please pardon my delay in replying.

    2. Susan, it can be so hard to unclench those fists...but I think that if we can pry them open, just a little, God will do the rest.

      Thank you so uch for being here, and please pardon my delay in replying.

  5. You are a gift friend! Continually praying for your body to be whole again. You inspire me!

    1. And you, Tara, inspire me! Happy Birthday!

      (And please eccuse my delayed response.)

  6. (((((Andrew)))))

    Thank you. Again.

    Annie in Texas

    1. ((((((Annie!))))))

      Thank YOU for being here so faithfully...you always warm my heart, and give me hope.

      And please pardon my tardiness in replying.

  7. What a great post – despite your pain and loss, you give so much Andrew, never forget that! Thinking of you, Katha

    1. Katha, thank you so much for this lovely encouragment, and please excuse my delay in replying.

  8. We are blessed that you use so much of the energy you have to share your words and insights and also to visit our blogs and leave such wonderful poems in the comments!

    1. Lesley, it's truly a privilege for me to be able to do this.

      I'm always so moved by your words!

      And please excuse my late reply!

  9. Isaiah 40:31--
    But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

    1. KB, this is among my favourite Scriptures! Thank you so much!

  10. Enjoying your piece Andrew. I tend to focus on what's been lost instead of what I've found in Christ as a result of my losses. Trying to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living isn't always so easy, but I appreciate your perspective!

    1. Amy, you're so right...it isn't easy to see God's goodness sometimes, and it's something that, for me, has to be addressed anew every day.

      Thanks so much for being here, and it's so good to see you back at FMF!