And cancer takes even more.
It is easy to focus on what's been lost; I can't raise my arms above head-high without pain (tumours in the neck), or bend over without the prospect of passing out (tumours in the abdomen), or walk fast (tumours in the lung).
I don't have the energy to do more than what's absolutely necessary, and a bit of writing; just my blog posts, and comments on other blogs.
The future's kind of foreshotened...there were so many plans...
For someone who used to be almost frantically active, it's a hard adjustment. I want to do stuff; and I can't.
But that's less than half of the story, because I've also received a lot, and it outweighs the loss.
I live every moment, now; there's no such thing as 'killing time'. (What an ugly expression!)
I've learned, I hope, a bit of humility. I thought high achievement made the man; no achievement certainly resets one's heart.
I've learned to truly care for and about others, because the love I can leave in their lives will be my only legacy.
In losing, I've gained.
In dying, I live.
Lord, I've lost so very much,
it's been taken from my hands.
If it's not wrong, asking such,
what on earth are your plans?
I dreamt of reaching out in words
and rising up in flight;
how could this have been untowards,
did I somehow dim Your light?
"My son, you look at what's been lost,
and I understand your tears and pain,
but know, with you, I've paid the cost,
and My tears for you remain.
If you'll but move clenched fists apart,
I've got something for you My whole Heart."
Music from Engelbert Humperdinck, with Another Time, Another Place. Remember it?
Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.
Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.