Writing ahead of time again, because strength is now measurably failing. Unfortunate, but expected...and not resented. God disposes. If I can work this week's word in, I will.
(The word's WEAK.)
Hollywood makes dying seem easy. The patient's got a fashionable pallor, and is pretty lucid all the way up to the end...hanging on to make a final heartwarming Hallmark-moment speech.
The reality's different; the pallor's not pretty, and various parts of the body bloat badly from time to time.
You limp, and sometimes crawl.
And talking's hard. I try to say a couple of words and I start coughing which turns into dry heaves that feel like they;re going to tear me in half. Barb figures that in a spell like this, it's how I'm going to die.
Then the blood comes up.
How would you like to see that on a twenty-foot-tall screen at your local mall theatre?
Hold the ketchup on the hot dog, yeah.
And incontinence. Not something for the silver screen.
But it's all good, and it's all still a life more blessed and fruitful than I could ever imagine, because in the times between...I'm enjoying the life I have.
The small moments that I would have let pass - the sound of a bird singing an unusual song, for example - moments I would have let pass, I now hold to my heart.
There's some laughter, too...I wrote about it in my last post, and you can read it here if you like.
And night-time...one would think that's when the fears and anguish come, because there's nothing to distract the mind from the pain that's keeping one awake, and the prospect of unknown horrors to come...
But no. It's a quiet time, and while it's physically very uncomfortable I can hear the dogs snoring and barking in their dreams, the hum of the refrigerator, the distant clang! from the railyard in the valley, the soft whine of an airliner high overhead.
Those gentle good sounds. They call me to life, and the darkness does not call me to death.
And most of all the knowledge that I still have the strength to say, Look, even when you're hurting and hope is slipping away, life can be good, because God is still good.
He didn't wish this on me; He's not testing me. He's drying His tears at the necessity for a fallen world that admits pain...
And He's holding out His hand.
Not to support me while I'm puking (OK, sometimes)...
But to dance. And it's not a dance for the weak, but for those who put on His strength.
I hope you dance.
A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.
I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.
Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.
If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.
Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.