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Friday, October 3, 2014

The Evil Quid Pro Quo

If you know something's wrong, why do it?

In marriage, there's often a one-word answer - getting even.

"She did this, so I'm entitled to do that to make myself feel better!"

Of course, we don't say that out loud, unless we're being painfully honest with ourselves. But that sense of entitlement, the piece of candy that we deserve after we're wronged that drives our actions.

That sense that there is a threshold of entitlement...I deserve this much from life...is one of the most damaging squirrel-chases upon which we can embark, because we're setting ourselves up 'outside' ourselves.

We're passing a judgement on what we deserve, and we are trespassing on the turf of the Almighty.

Of course, this does not mean, "I'm a worm, I don't deserve anything except to be stepped on". If you're in an abusive relationship, be it courtship or marriage, get out.

But don't get even.

The problem with this kind of low-level revenge is that it sets up your spouse as an object, not a person. You're not reacting to something your husband or wife did, with communication and, perhaps, argument. You're hitting back against a faceless figure called "enemy".

I guess we've all done it, but it gets easier every time we indulge.

And therein lies the real danger - we may come to prefer the "reward" we give ourselves to a good relationship, and instead of looking for ways to heal...we look for another chance to grab a handful of candy.

But candy rots your teeth, and this kind rots the soul, as well.

(Please don't forget to stop in at my new blog, www.dailygracequote.wordpress.com, for a quote and short commentary that I hope will shine a light of grace...for October, the subject's marriage.)


  1. Great points...how often we do what "feels good" rather than what builds up. A great reminder that for long-term success we sometimes have to give up our perceived "rights" short-term. The foundation of trust we build is so worth it!

    1. Thatnks, Summer! You're right - that foundation of trust is so valuable.

    2. Thatnks? My fingers are having a rough day, I guess, and my brain's fallen behind.