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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Men, Care And Feeding Of

Men make up about half of the human race, which can sometimes seem like far too large a percentage...or too small, depending on how you day went.

They can be useful - a man watching football makes a good paperweight, and during the college basketball playoff season, a good planter.

And, ladies, you can, and do, marry them.

Today's topic, written by a man, is how to cope with that decision.(A lot of what follows applies to women as well, of course, but I can only say that from observation...as it applies to men, I live it.)

  1. We're not insensitive knuckledraggers - most men have a sensitive and romantic streak whose depth would surprise you. Think of the novels that move you...many of them are written by men, such as Nicholas Sparks and Richard Paul Evans (and, I hope, me!). Same with romantic poetry, and songs. These aren't all produced with an eye on revenue. A lot of the emotion comes from the heart, and isn't faked.
  2. We have a desire for monogamy - hard to believe? Not really. Look at what moves the men you know - loyalty to a team, or to a school, or a regiment. Loyalty to a restaurant. All of these examples purposely include the word loyalty, because that's the defining concept. Make you husband feel like he's part of a team, your team, and you've given him an identity for belonging.
  3. We're easily hurt - this, you may have noticed. It's not that men have big egos, or small egos...it's more closely connected with belonging, and the desire to be well-thought-of in the 'group'. It's a cliche for men to carry the hurt of being the last picked for baseball at school into their adult lives. Most hurts  in a marriage are unintentional - you may say something offhand, with the intention to improve things, and it comes across as criticism. This is particularly true pertaining to sex - criticism, or ridicule, will change your relationship forever. It may not wreck it, but things will never be as they were.
  4. We don't have one-track minds - while men and women experience sex differently, both physically and emotionally, the monomania of men is also something of a cliche. It's more a function of changed social mores - where sex on the second date becomes expected, it's a valid 'goal', and part of the equation of the relationship at an early stage. Earlier than it should be.
  5. What you think of us is more important than almost anything else - we married you, or chose a relationship with you, and your opinion isn't 'big'. It's huge.One word, one look, one touch can change the course of our day.
What would you add to this...or what would you subtract?

1 comment:

  1. This is great!
    Although, I disagree with #3...4 kids...never mind...

    One thing I'd add is that it is critical to not, never, ever compare, whether verbally or subconsciously, the physical attributes of one's wife/girlfriend OR husband/boyfriend to a supermodel, celebrity or beach volleyball player (what is up with their uniforms??)

    Post babies, most women change shape. And if they have a chronic injury, holy freaking crap if they can EVER get back to the cycling junkie's body they had before, it would involve a miracle!!

    So, let's work with this...it stands to reason that over time and freakishly good cooking, the man's body changes as well. (I love him anyway, even though I HATE WITH ALL I KNOW his stupid beard).

    Men like to be the warrior for the woman they're with. Some have been, some will be. Women need to understand this, and that that warrior takes many shapes, but if your relationship is healthy, he wants to come home to YOU.