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Love and marriage are the greatest adventures in life, and they point they way to our relationship with the Almighty.

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Sunday, February 19, 2017

Your Dying Spouse 274 - Tiles and Mirrors

"No matter how diligently you polish a tile, it will never become a mirror." - Zen proverb

As a caregiving spouse, you probably have an idea of how you want your life and function to 'look'. It's a picture made up of the history of your relationship, and influenced by examples you may have seen in your own lie, and by books and films.

And there's also you, wanting to be the best version of yourself in a caring role.

But sometimes reality gets in the way. The marriage may have been rough, and your examples not of the best.

And you may be dealing with your own issues as well, be they health or work-related. balancing a life that's being lived as a caregiving sacrifice against the demands of a high-speed stainless society leaves a lot of bruises.

And the lovely mirror that you want to be reflective of your best, and successful efforts remains a tile, no matter how hard you polish.

But remember this - that tiles have their uses/ making up a roof, they keep out the rain.

And who would roof a home with mirrors?

Please forgive the brevity of this post. I'm really not doing well.

A bit of news..."Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart" has come home! Tate Publishing has gone south, and I regained the rights, so it'll soon be available in both Kindle hardcopy versions once again. In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait (!), you can still get used copies from Amazon.

I have another blog, "Starting The Day With Grace". The focus is a grace quote from someone you might not expect (like, say Mick Jagger) and a short commentary. I hope you'll join me.

Marley update... been moved to a sanctuary, and Bay County will revise their 'dangerous dog' codes.


And marley has a Facebook page! Please drop by to see how happy he is today.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. So true, Andrew! I love this analogy and can relate to it so much in my own marriage and life. It's really the heartbeat of my blog--embracing the messiness of life because the Lord uses it to refine us into "reflections" of Him when we trust Him in it. There's where the "mirror" comes into play, I'd say! Thanks for your tireless care and resources for those who are caregivers, as well as those who are in need of care. You are a fighter on up to your last breath, and we are all thankful for it!

    1. Beth, thanks for this! You're so right - it IS the heart of your blog, and you do such a fine job of helping us find refinement as mirrors that can become more true as we mature in His Grace.

      I truly appreciate your kind words, and your presence here.

  2. Love it! Andrew...always giving us things to ponder!!! Thank you! Take care; sending hugs and prayers!

    1. Thanks so much, Barbara, and special thanks for the hugs and prayers!

  3. Your thoughts are very insightful and thought-provoking.

    Indeed God redeems even the "tiles". :-)


    1. Thanks so much, Karen. I agree - God redeems the tiles, and I suspect he has a special place in His heart for them.

  4. Thank you for teaching us even through your pain. I love the analogy of the tile and mirrors. Blessings and prayers!

    1. Thank YOU, Mary, for being here, and most sincerely for the blessings and prayers.

  5. Andrew, I loved this. It so resonates with my desire to be authentic in the things I do and say. There are times when I can be a mirror. My best can reflect to others. But there are times, when it's the effort of the caring that is most important. I may have to temper my words, serve because it needs doing rather than because it's the highest desire of my heart. But it is in the doing, isn't it? When we make the choice to care for others, to meet their needs that is meaningful. I love the image of the mirror and the tile.

    Thanks for that!

    Praying for you and Barb, friend!

    1. Jeanne, wow...you absolutely nailed the distinction between mirror and tile. Thank you so much for bringing this to the conversation. This is just great.

      We really appreciate the prayers. They're vital.

  6. Caregiving can dull anyone's finish--and that's when we have to admit that we need Christ's strength to carry on. He has promised to live IN us (that means he will do the heavy lifting).

    1. Anita, you're absolutely right, and I love the way you said this...'caregiving can dull anyone's finish.

      And without Christ in us, we're lightweights.