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Thursday, August 18, 2016

Your Dying Spouse 196 - Team Of One {FMF}

Once again it is time for Five Minute Friday, the keyword-driven weekly timed writing challenge hosted by Kate Motaung.

The work this week is TEAM.

Life will go on after I'm dead.

But I'm still here, and there are plans in the air for those days. Plans for things and places I won't see. An earlier me would perhaps have resorted to anger, or to sorrow.

But now I understand ever better, every day, that if I'm to win through I must be content to be my own team. A team of one.

Last night I went through a physical crisis. It was painful to the point of wishing that anything would end it, and not being able to summon help, I had to face it alone.

Then, the reflection...I had to face it alone because in a real sense I am alone. The life that I could take part in is gone, and the team from those days has gone on. I couldn't keep up. The smiles and hugs are there, the cheery greetings...but the eyes look into a future in which I have no part.

Liberating, that. No one to answer to, no one to cosset, no one whose weaknesses I have to carry. Heck, I have enough trouble with my own. The fight is My Very Own.

Alone, not lonely. A team of one.

Bring it.

Marley update...he's received a lot of support, but STILL NEEDS HELP TO BE SAVED.


He's up to nearly 200,000 signatures, but the local authorities are dragging their feet. They think that we'll give up and go away. We won't.

If you have a mment, I'd like to ask you to visit Change.org to consider a petition to free a 'death row dog' who has been separated from his family for ten months over a misunderstanding. Marley was saved from Afghanistan by a US serviceman; please help make sure this story doesn't end in needless tragedy! Marley's gotten a lot of support...but he still needs our help.

If you can, please do leave a comment. I am trying to answer all, and I am failing, but please know this - I read and treasure each one.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.


  1. I am not a member of your team, but I am definitely cheering you on along the way, you have a huge team of people who are loving you, praying for you and rejoicing in everyday that you do have. (((hugs))) and love!!

    1. Marisa, thank you...and I do feel that support across the miles! Hugs and loves back!

  2. We aren't a team of one - such a good reminder for us all! And I'll be praying for you.
    Sarah (www.sarahefrazer.com)

    1. Sarah, yes. Thank you for this, and most especially for your prayers. Very hard and painful days, and I sure need 'em!

  3. Cheering you on friend! So glad you are still here. You are not alone. You are on Gods team!

    1. Tara, thank you! Yep...I am indeed on The Big Fella's Team. It's an honour to be there, and I think quite dangerous to be on the team opposing Him! (Well, dangerous and STUPID to oppose Him.)

      Thanks so much for being here!

  4. I get it. But, this online community you enjoy is your grandstand team. We warm the benches cheering YOU on. Fighting for you. Interceding on your behalf. And, as Kate put it there are only two teams and since we are members of the first it makes us team-mates. So THERE, TAKE THAT! xoxo aarf, woof, snort, drool, furry snuggles, doggie breath.

  5. Hey Andrew - tough week :( Facing your own mortality week in, week out is a brutal, exhausting thing, I'm sure... I listened to a podcast this week that was pretty amazing, from this guy B.J Miller who lost both legs and an arm in a freak accident in his twenties, and now works at a Hospice to help people find realistic hope and a crescendo in their dying moments... not sure if you will resonate or not, but here is the link if you are interested: http://www.onbeing.org/program/bj-miller-reframing-our-relationship-to-that-we-dont-control/8380

  6. I'm crying as I write this. I just "met" you, so your story is new to me. You do have teams- family, friends, your blogging community, doctors, etc. Collectively, we are your prayer team. I will be praying for you, my friend!

  7. "Alone, not lonely." A team of one and yet, unseen, a team of many people who pray, headed up by the God who sees, knows and loves. Andrew, you always inspire me by your determination and resilience. And, yes, your love of life even though it's not the kind of life you would have chosen. You're a fighter and I mean that in the best way. Love and blessings to you!

  8. Ah, but you're not alone! You have an invisible force who travels with you and has felt your every pain and moment of suffering. Because He suffered, he truely understands what you're going through.

  9. Perhaps, Andrew, you are along...perhaps you are a team of one; but know that you DO have one who surrounds you through it all...and there are those who are with you, though perhaps far away from you.

    You continue to share your soul with those who are following this series that is taking us through your life, as it is; and helping us along the way in so many ways...your words, Andrew, touch deeply!

    Prayers continue...I am a part of that distant team!!

  10. Bless you. Your Team of One is mighty. Being bereft of a future is a strange thing, hard to fathom. You live for the moment, in the moment, and by the grace given you. Amazing.
    Still praying.

  11. You've left me hanging to know more of your story Andrew!
    Blessings and Prayers, Friend!

  12. Andrew, you are one with many standing behind you! So glad you are still with us. Know that before I hit comment, I prayed for you. May our God continue to be with you, giving you all that you need in this fight. Blessings!

  13. Thank you for the reminder to be grateful for my life. Though we never really know how many days we have left. I will say a prayer for you as well.

  14. You are still on our team, Andrew. You are here making a difference and we are grateful.

  15. You are still on our team, Andrew. You are here making a difference and we are grateful.

  16. You are right Andrew. Fmf is your team. I love reading all the comments above and it makes me so happy that fmf is here for you. Cheering on you on!

  17. Praying for you, Andrew. You are part of the FMF team and God's team and although we can't understand what you are going through or help you in this fight we are cheering you on.

  18. Okay, you must know that I love you like a brother, Andrew, but this just makes me want to thunk you on the forehead! Maybe I'm missing your point. Maybe this is just how you "feel." But it's NOT true!

    I'm sharing with you and your readers some verses in a PDF that I just created for you, but want others to have as well. So here's a link to download it. https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38819679/The%20Lord%20is%20With%20You.pdf

    Again, Andrew, I want to reiterate that I love you and that's why I'm putting my neck out--knowing you might not like my words and want to lop my head off! I just don't want you to feel that you are EVER alone--no matter how you feel! Praying for you, dear brother!

  19. Andrew,
    I have a joke. I've been waiting all week to use it.
    "Why was Stradivarius a pacifist?"
    "Because violins never solved anything."

    Okay the punchline was given to me and I had to make up the first part. You can tell me if it was too much.

    And yet, wisdom in the violence quote relating to your fight being one of your own. It is not the fighting but identifying what is worth being fought.

    "choosing our battles" Your choice to choose happy or joy in midst of easily succumbing to pain, anger, bitterness is the right kind of violence. Because if you don't surrender, then they don't win. And your fighting spirit is what the team is so excited for!
    A team is never more discouraged than when their teammate simply bails or gives up. An error or accidental fault is forgivable, but intentionally quitting is a letdown of the entire team. "not trying is not an option"

    Thanks for rallying again. I'm glad that your perspective is one of freedom. For me, your post still bears wistful sadness that you are alone (though you stated not lonely). From the outside it appears lonely. :)

    (linked at #65 this week)

  20. I felt a tug to look for you today, hoping to find you. I am thankful I did.
    You must carry the weight of your life, but I carry you in my prayer.
    There is an aloneness we all must carry, because we, alone, can do what God has called us to do. But there is a togetherness because our lives touch each other--even after we are gone and welcomed into eternity.

  21. "Alone, not lonely." I like that! Thanks for sharing.
    Visiting from FMF