Last night was just horrendous...unremitting pancreatic pain that made me weep...and this morning's got acute nausea added, and just getting to me feet makes it really hard to breathe (and swollen, painful feet...what's that about?).
I still say I'm living the dream (nearer my God to thee!) but some aspects of cancer are kind of messy, and why don't they show those in the Hallmark movies?
Ordinary life has gotten pretty difficult. Things like walking, eating, sleeping, breathing, and other things.
So one might assume that since I've been to Heaven and back twice (March 14 and May 3), that it's lately been on my mind.
No, not really.
See, it's kind of like having a lot of money in an offshore tax haven. You can't bring the money here; to spend it you have to go there. Sure, you can dream about it and look over your account statements, but if you still have a life right here, that's a kind of futile pursuit.
And it takes away from the life you're living...I mean, look at it from Barb's perspective. Would you want to be married to someone who was dreaming about being somewhere else, even if that place was Heaven?
She deserves better, the dogs deserve better, and everyone I touch through this blog deserves better...as in, my undivided attention.
So Heaven's my swelling bank account in Vanuatu. I think about it sometimes, but I'm not sketching out the beachfront bar I'm going to open. Time enough for that later. It's waiting for me, no worries.
As for the promised narratives, they are coming...Barb's pastor has strongly recommended that these are all written up and presented as one witness, and that's what I'll do.
This is a strange and awkward position to be in, for me...getting tapped by God to carry this message of hope become certainty. But I'll do my best.
I've seen the place where angels dwell
with Almighty Lord on high;
I've come to know it very well,
and it's not up in the sky,
but on a brightly transformed earth,
free at last from death and sin,
an Eden given fresh new birth
so that we may now begin
through all forever's golden ages
to see what gentle God intended
when at first He wrote the pages
that once were torn, but now are mended
so that we, beloved of His heart
may in His Heaven play our part.