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Thursday, November 5, 2020

Don't Go There

 This is not a post I wanted to write.

I want you to remember me as something like Tony Stark, at the finale of Avengers: Endgame

That would not, however, be the truth, and as things continue downhill (new and bigger tumours, making it hard to breathe, among other things...and as for the other things, don't ask), I find my mind going places that are weak and maudlin...

I think, but for the love of Mike,

don’t think on it too long,

what my world might be like

when I am dead and gone.

Will the dogs prick up their ears,

run barking to the door

when they dream that they hear

a voice that comes no more?

Will Barb, on waking, smell the bread

that I once used to bake,

and remembering that I am dead

wish there was some mistake

and though she’s not the sort to cry,

put head in hands, and ask God Why?

I would guess that everyone who's watching death approach thinks this...what will thing be like without me? Will there be an echo of my presence where I once walked?

The answer is, well, of course. As John Donne wrote, Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Every death's a loss; every death changes things.

So it's a natural path for the mind to follow. It's also (to my mind) the wrong path, because it bespeaks a lack of trust in God, and something of a repudiation of Paul in Phil. 3:13-14

13 - Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

14 - I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

In looking forward, I can't look back, and I have to place everything that I will be leaving behind in God's hands. I can't allow the sentimentality, and, yes, the self-pity, to distract from the road ahead, for how I live the coming days is what will truly determine how I am remembered.

And after all, you can't plow a straight furrow while looking over your shoulder.

Look ahead. Don't look back. (And ahead is the Five Minute Friday prompt this week.)

I woul love to hear your thoughts. Am I wrong, here? Am I overlaying an asumption of perection on human nature, the nature that God loves?

Music from Jenn Johnson, with Goodness of God. (Click here if the video doesn't appear.)


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29 comments:


  1. "And after all, you can't plow a straight furrow while looking over your shoulder."

    This truth stood our to me while reading your post. Looking ahead can be hard for me. I feel tied to the past all the what it's and should have done. I don't believe that looking back is God's best for me though. Thank you for the encouragement. The Jenn Johnson song is one of my favorites. I am praying for you and Barb. -Jolene

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    1. Jolene, I'm so glad this spoke to you...and thank you for your affirmation, and prayers.

      The song...I kept hearing it on Family Life Radio, and it took awhile to find out what it was. I tried a lyrics search, but I had the lyrics wrong. Then I found a site that had 'recently played' songs on FLR, and EUREKA! I found it!

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  2. Your poem brings tears this morning, my friend. Know that yes, you will be remembered by how you live these coming days, but the life you have already lived has made a great difference, too! Your words, your courageous example, and your faith have touched my soul in new and meaningful ways. God bless your journey. I continue to hold you in love.

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    1. Karen, thank you so much for this kind and loving affirmation...words fail me, but somehoe, tears do not.

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  3. Your words are so powerful - keep your eyes fixed ahead, believing in the goodness of God and the best is to come! Prayers for you and yours in the days ahead.

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    1. Sharon, thank you so much for this, and for your prayers.

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  4. continued prayers for you, Andrew!

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    1. Mariel, thank you so much...prayers are vital.

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  5. It's comforting to know what lies ahead as followers of Jesus. Despite the trials and challenges we face, and those which will lie ahead, we know how the story will end! Praying that you know his hope and peace!

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    1. Lesly, you're absolutely right...knowing the end of the story in advance is wonderful.

      Thank you so much for your prayers! I do have Him as my firm centre.

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  6. We know what lies ahead...maybe not in this life, but in the life to come :).

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    1. Anita, that makes all the difference...that life to come!

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  7. "In looking forward, I can't look back, and I have to place everything that I will be leaving behind in God's hands" - so true. We all have to do this. Sending prayers today and always.

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    1. Wemi, thank you for this...we have to leave it all to God, but it can be so hard sometimes!

      And thank you so much for your prayers.

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  8. I don't think you are wrong at all. However, I would add that there probably are times when we should look back. Maybe, in your plowing analogy, we halt the oxen for a moment to make sure we have done well before we continue going in a certain direction. After all, we are able to look in a car's rear view mirror momentarily without swerving. A problem occurs when we only look in the rear view.

    As always, blessings to you, Andrew. Your poem really got me today.

    Amie, FMF #20

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    1. Well-said, Amie; halting the oxen to make sure of a true path is a necessity, and something I often miss in my bash-on-regardless mindset.

      I'm so grateful for your prayrs!

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  9. Dear Andrew, your post today tearfully touched me. You are not wrong. God's got this, whatever any of our "this" may be. God's got you covered my friend. Blessings. Visit from FMF #11

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    1. Sorry It's Paula Short

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    2. Paula, thank you so much for this lovely affrimation. Blesings back!

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  10. I don't think you are wrong, but why not look back at some things? We don't become the person we are today without living through yesterday. Today, however, you get to decide what you will spend your time & thoughts on. Blessings to you and Barb, my brave blogging friend.

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    1. Suzette, you have a good point, that looking bak can let us know how experience has defined who we are.

      Blessings back!

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  11. Wish I had words of hope. All I know is God is with you. I pray you will feel His presence. Hold fast. Dig deep. Be strong. Carry on. Someday the regrets will be gone, the discomfort ended, and joy will be yours. I pray for you, Andrew. Thank you for sharing the struggle you're in. So sorry it's become so difficult. Lord, have mercy, and I mean that.

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    1. My dear Norma, your words give strength, hope, and comfort...and your prayers lift my heart.

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  12. You are not wrong, Andrew. Your words, as always, speak to my heart. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Continuing to pray for comfort, and the Lord's mercy and grace. May He envelop you with His love, enable you to feel His presence as you walk through the valley, and may He keep you ever strong until the cup runs dry and you are ushered into glory where your healing will be complete. I look forward to meeting you one day in the land where there is no more sorrow and no more pain. (((Hugs)))

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    1. Grams, thank you for this...I do feel His presence, though sometime throughsomething of a veil, and He does indeed keep me strong (thpugh sometimes I don't WANT to be strong!).

      I look forward to meeting you, too.

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  13. I think you're right, Andrew. Looking back can cause us to stumble as we try to move forward. I'm praying for you daily, my friend. I hope this day is full of at least a few pleasant moments as you stay present in the moment. Hugs to you!

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    1. Beth, thank you so much for the prayer. The pain and other stuff can leave me besie myself in espair, but there is pleasantness in each day...if I'm intentional to appreciate it.

      Thank you so much for your prayers!

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  14. Andrew - When I met you, you had been the "Soon to be dead guy" for several years. You had trouble walking. But I know you as a strong men who protects others. That is who you are, and it is how I will remember you.

    I agree on looking forward. What is ahead of you is far greater than what lies behind you.

    As always, our prayers are with you.

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    1. Paul, thank you for this. Meeting you an Lori was a gift that shines more brightly through the years.

      I don't know how and why I'm still here; I'm glad to be beating the odds, but it's pretty painful.

      And we thank you so very much for your prayers.

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