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Thursday, October 15, 2020

The Love You Give

The question does come from those who see me...given the fell laundry list of a failing body, what makes life worth living?

Don't you want to give it up, and just go home?

I mean, look at it...you can barely eat, barely breathe, and sleep comes in 15-minute swathes of nightmares from which you often wake up screaming from the pain that hits your subconscious.

There's that cough, granite hard and violent and bloody.

If you look down, you can see the bulging tumours on the chest wall and abdomen, as well as the one in your navel. (But the tumours in the neck make looking down painful, so I don't do it much...so there!)

Every dunny call is another reminer that yup, the pancreas is giving up the ghost.

You're surrounded by projects you won't finish, and the view from the porch is of hills you won't climb.

And so on.

Sometimes I ask the question of myself.

And the answer comes immediately, that I have a lot to live for, starting with a wife I adore, and a passel of dogs (and one cat) that I cherish.

They keep me in shape for the fight.

I do my best to support Barb by finding useful Scripture that addresses work and life, and also cool music to do the same. This keeps the soul man, so to speak, fit and alert.

The dogs keep my body strong, simply through the need to walk them several times a day (the yard's fenced, but to most that isn't an obstacle, and chasing them down the mesa is beyond me now). They have to be fed, and watered, and groomed. I would guess that's 7-8 hours a day on my feet.

And sometimes, I need to put my fatigue and pain and need for rest aside, because someone has a tummy-ache and needs to go out and...oops!

"Sorry, Dad. I tried to hold it."

You see, my woes are not the priority here.

Love is, and love is what makes it all worthwhile.

The love I get, yes, but far more...the love I give.

It's not 'enough'.

It's everything I ever needed.


These have not been easy days,

not by a country mile,

but I can tell you, anyway,

that life is still worthwhile.

Tumours make it hard to breathe,

and it really hurts to laugh,

and if, perchance, I have to sneeze,

I feel I’ll break in half.

But there are still my dogs to walk,

and time spent with my wife,

and though I can no longer talk,

I have the best of life,

for in a place where love resides,

that is where Our Lord abides.


Music from Josh Groban, with What I Did For Love (click here if the video doenf't appear).

It took me a long time to realize that this song isn't about romance; it's about life, and I've asked Barb that if there's a memorial service for me, it be played.

And in the interest of transparency, bravado only goes so far, and I wept on re-hearing the song and at last understaning what it's about. I have so much to live for, and I do not want to die.


I do try to answer each comment in a timely fashion, but with Internet providers really stretched, I have only about half of the access I once did. Please bear with me!


Thanks to Carol Ashby, Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart is back on Kindle, and will be available in paperback soon.

Friends are everything. I couldn't have done it.

Below are my recent releases on Kindle -please excuse their presence in the body of the blog. I haven't the energy to get them up as 'buttons' in the sidebar. You can click on the covers to go to the Amazon links.











32 comments:

  1. Love you ((((Andrew))))

    Annie in Texas

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    1. Oh, Annie, you brought tears to my eyes. (And please pardon my delay in replying!)

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  2. Hugs Andrew. "For in a place where love resides, that is where Our Lord abides" - your poems encourage and inspire me every week.

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    1. Wemi, thank you so much...your words have brightened a very hard day.

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  3. Amen, Andrew, the song is about life! As I listened to the entire song, the question came to me - What will I do TODAY for love? Praying for you and Barb today! Blessings!

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    1. Joanne, I'm so glad you enjoyed "What I Did for Love"...an so grateful for your prayers.

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  4. You are the most "holding-on" person I know. xo

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    1. Susan, thank you...that means a lot. XOXOXOXO

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  5. I always appreciate the love you show for others, especially Barbara and the dogs! I think the way you focus on others is a big part of what's kept you going, and I always appreciate your wisdom and your love for the FMF community too!

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  6. Andrew, as usual you remind me what it is to run the race and fight the good fight. More importantly to do all that and still smile and find some humor in it all. Praying for you as always.

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    1. Duane, thank you so much for your kind and affirming words, and most especially for your prayers.

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  7. As always, you bless us with your spirit and words! You ARE loved. You are LOVE. Thank you. Our prayers continue, dear friend. Karen (FMF #7)

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    1. Karen, wow...you made my day! And this day, I really neeed your words. It's gotten so hard.

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  8. Ah, yes, I think that's why Jesus tells us in John 13:35 that others will know we are His by our love. Of all things... love? Yep, just little old love. =)

    Amie

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  9. You are learning love the way most will never know. How privileged and broken I am to read your words and see your heart. Prayers once again, my friend.

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    1. Mary, I am honoured an humbled by your words. Thank you for this, and for your prayers.

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  10. I continue to pray for you and Barb. Your words are a gift!

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    1. Julie, thank you so much! And we are grateful for your prayers. It's bad; they're needed.

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  11. No words, Andrew, other than that this post and sonnet have moved me to tears. The song is beautiful as well. You have such a gift, and are one of the most inspiring people I know. Hugs to you and Barb, and continued prayer.

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    1. Grams, gosh...'thank you' seems so feeble a response to your heartfelt and loving comment.

      Your prayers are truly appreciated, and needed.

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  12. This is good...so True... gives me pause to think on this

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    1. LoveJesusFarmQuilt (that is a COOL handle!), I am so glad you found something of value here.

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  13. Andrew, I have so many thoughts on your words here. I'll start with the fact I haven't heard that song in YEARS. I'm so glad you featured it here and that you shared how it's impacted you.

    Also, love is a powerful force, isn't it? You have learned to love well—Barb, the dogs (and the one cat), and your online family. I am thankful for the lessons you share, the perspectives you offer, and the honesty that comes through each of your posts.

    I'm praying for you and Barb, my friend. ((HUGS))

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    1. Jeanne, I'm so glad you found meaning in the post, and the song.

      Learning to love well has been hard, because it meant having to face the times I came up short. But God used those failures to guide me on a better path, and for that, I'm grateful.

      Thank you so much for the hugs and prayers!

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  14. Hi Andrew, The authenticity behind your words made this one extra special...and sad. A beautiful heart has risen from the ashes of suffering. All the comments here on this one attest to the love of your community. You've helped us understand the simple grace in making it through another difficult day because you're going to fight on till the next breath comes. But you want to bless your family, close and distant, and we appreciate it. Thank you for caring..., loving..., giving..., for that's what you do for all of us. I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you do. God's very best to you. I'm praying it for you. Good Night, my friend.

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    1. My dear Norma..words fail me, at the love and grace in your comment. All I can say is that I try to pass on the great love that I've been given.

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