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Monday, March 17, 2014

Being Dismissive

We may pride ourselves on putting value on the feelings and opinions of those around us, and feel very noble and Christian in listening to even the most dippy of acquaintances.

And we often don't include our spouses in this inner circle.

Think back to parties you've attended...how often have you seen a married person undercut their mate, often when said mate was standing right there (and wishing the floor would swallow her or him up)?

And how often have you interrupted your spouse, 'knowing' what they were going to say before they finished, because you simply didn't want to take the time to hear them out?

Would you have done that with a friend? With a colleague at work? With your boss?

Would you interrupt Jesus? (Yeah, that comes from the fact that we're supposed to represent Christ to one another...sorry, but there it is.)

Somehow, being close allows liberties, and a lot of those liberties are nasty.

The Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hahn suggests that we treat our spouses like honored guests in our house, and like people whom death will soon snatch from out lives.

We could do worse.


  1. Andrew, what a spot-on post. Words and tone are so important, especially in the marriage relationship. I learned the hard way what does/does not speak respect to my husband. Now that I have a better idea, I try to make sure my words to him are edifying. What I say about my husband—positive or negative—will stay with people who hear them. I try to make sure my words don't reflect him in a bad light, even when I'm irritated with him. ;) I'm not perfect at all this, but it is my goal to make sure my words are worth repeating, if you know what I mean.

    Words and tones strengthen or destroy a marriage. I hope mine speak grace to and about my husband.

    Great thoughts!

    1. Jeanne, thank you - you said it perfectly, that we need to make our words worth repeating.

  2. I am guilty of this I think sometimes. Great reminder and great encouragement. I know that having greater grace would make such a difference.

    1. It's hard to avoid, being in such a close relationship. It's ironic that we are trained never to be dismissive of the Almighty, but sometimes I have seen people take pride in putting down their spouses - as if marriage were not a sacramental relationship!